Destiny Means Nothing
by thepalerider
Summary: In search of answers, Tara looks for advice from an old friend while Xander learns that not everyone is what they seem ...
1. In the Valley of the Shadow of Death

Title: Destiny Means Nothing  
  
Chapter: One  
  
Author: White Knight_7  
  
Pairing: Xander/Tara  
  
Rating: 12, maybe a 15 (For US readers, I think that confers to a PG-13 or PG-15)  
  
Summary: After a brush with death, Xander ends up rethinking his place in the Scooby Gang, and his relationship with a certain shy witch...  
  
Feedback: Yes please, this is my first real attempt at fanfic and so any ideas you have are welcomed as long as they are constructive.  
  
Author's Notes: This is set after the first episode of Season Five. Basically that means that Dawn is around and every one except Xander, Giles and Anya have just started the new college year. This is not an overtly bashing piece but as always if you want to create an unconventional pairing there might be some friction. Also, this is NOT a 'Xander gets a power and the author completely changes the character' story. There's something special about him no doubt, just no real powers involved. B/S shippers, PISS OFF MATE!  
  
Disclaimer: What idiot invented this thing anyway. Here goes. I don't own any of these characters, I'm just altering certain events in the Buffy the Vampire Slayer universe for my own benefit, to bolster the MEAGER T/X reservoir out there and show everyone what Joss should have paired people up with.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
The cool night air blew across the walled graveyard as several young people walked across the central path of the eerie resting-place. To the untrained eye it would appear they were looking for a fresh grave. To the trained eye this was also true, they were looking for fresh graves, but they were more interested in what was going to come out of the graves rather than what was put in. A casual observer wouldn't be shamed for calling them a motley crew: among their ranks was the Slayer, two wiccan witches, one chemically enhanced ex-soldier, an ex-watcher, an 1121 year- old ex-vengeance demon and ... Xander. Not that he wasn't special, being able to survive for your entire life atop a mystical portal to Hell required a certain knack for avoiding danger.  
  
Xander felt anything but normal among the Scooby Gang. When your friends all possess some special kind of knowledge or training, making them experts at the supernatural, the 'regular guy' was pretty much the freak. Despite the large display of Scooby unity before the final battle with Adam, he still very much felt like the outsider of the group. The only person who was in his situation (or at least close to it) was Tara, Willow's new girlfriend.  
  
* Wow, I never thought that my little Willow would turn out to be a lesbian, it's just unfathomable * Xander mused to himself while they walked through the graveyard, respective partners linking arms with one another, scouting the newly dug graves for possible undead residents.  
  
Although the little group could very easily be mistaken for a few confused teenagers wandering aimlessly at night, the self-dubbed Scooby gang had become surprisingly effective. Giles was now back full-time (although still unpaid) as Buffy's watcher, and the new Slayer training was really starting to affect her performance. Willow was gaining rapidly in her power as a witch, to the point where she was almost as powerful as Tara.  
  
It had been quite a shock to the group when Willow announced her involvement with the shy witch, and while Buffy and Giles seemed a little disgruntled by Willow's new choice in life, Xander had become quite accustomed to the fact. After Oz's abrupt and un-timed departure from Sunnydale, Willow had been in a perpetual funk that she couldn't seem to dig herself out of, but when she met Tara her attitude improved dramatically. Xander didn't mind that Willow and Tara were going out (although he would be committing an outright lie by saying the advantages of knowing two lesbians closely weren't relevant) as long as both were happy.  
  
That night the intrepid group of demon-fighters was almost at full strength, except for Giles and Anya: Giles very rarely came out on patrols with them, generally sticking to research as a valued alternative. Anya on the other hand had apparently no reason for not patrolling, bar the fact that she thought it was far too dangerous for him and refused to go out that evening. Instead, Xander had fallen into step with the two wiccans and were having a few rounds of idle banter.  
  
' ... And I was looking through the Book of Azrael when I came across this really neat spell that can turn lawyers into little, bitty mice', Willow babbled excitedly to her two companions, who both had identical worried expressions painted on their faces  
  
'Willow honey, maybe you shouldn't be playing with those transmutation spells so much, at least without someone to watch you', Tara said softly with as much confidence as she could muster.  
  
'Yeah Will, I for one would like to keep my Xander-shape, I don't want to end up as a Xander-shaped toad', he told his childhood friend, a little nervous about her response as she had gotten quite sensitive concerning her magical pastimes.  
  
When Tara heard this she let out a small giggle at Xander's words that made her blush slightly. Seeing this Xander send her a big smile, making her blush even further. Noticing this Willow smiled a little to herself; she liked to see her best friend and girlfriend getting along well. Out of all the members of their inner circle Xander had accepted her relationship with Tara (after the initial shock of course) very well and tried his best to make her feel at home.  
  
' Don't worry so much guys, I'd never actually use that kind of spell on a person, and I'm only doing a few minor transmutation spells', Willow said, then turned to Tara,' but if I ever do you are totally invited to keep me under control, Officer McClay', she said giving her lover a sexy smile.  
  
After this, Xander went quiet for a moment. Since he had not made an attempt at a joke they were getting worried as he stared off into space, when he replied,  
  
'Mmmm, kinky visual moment', he said, earning him a slap on his arm, followed up by a harsh stare from Willow.  
  
'Hey, what was that for!' Xander exclaimed, then turned to Tara,' You see what she's doing, she starts talking dirty then blames me for the consequences. Huh, witches'.  
  
A little further up the path Buffy was deep in conversation with her boyfriend, Riley Finn.  
  
'These new slayer training techniques are really great, it has really helped develop my senses, I can now sense a vampire or demon up to twenty meters away, it's so cool and.', Buffy rambled on, unaware of the stark look of the concern Riley was showing.  
  
'Uh, Buffy, maybe you shouldn't be spending so much time training, with all that and classes I haven't seen you really outside of 'work' ', Riley said.  
  
Holding him a bit closer to her, Buffy replied,  
  
'I'm sorry Riley but I just want to be the best Slayer I can be and these new training sessions with Giles help that. But I promise I'll spend some more time with you', she said, giving her boyfriend a quick kiss on the lips before continuing their conversation a few moments later.  
  
'So ... what do you think about Willow and Tara being, well you know, together', Buffy said a little wary of his answer.  
  
'Not sure, I mean I respect her decision, Willow's I mean but she seems, well different', Riley said  
  
'I know what you mean, it's like she's not my best friend any more, she spends almost all her time with Tara these days,' the worried Slayer agreed.  
  
' Well at least Xander seems to be getting along with them, or maybe he's just enjoying being close to two lesbians,' Riley smirked.  
  
'Yeah, I mean once when I had this telepathic ability back in highschool, I overheard Xander's thoughts and all I heard was sex. I think he really just likes the idea of trying to get them in the sack, it would do wonders for his ego. Anya probably goes in for that sort of thing any way', Buffy said laughing all the time with Riley at her side joining in.  
  
They were however unaware that their voices carried more than expected in the empty graveyard, straight to the ears of a very disgruntled young man; Willow and Tara were talking more enthusiastically now so didn't hear but Xander was able to determine every word. He felt betrayed, how could she think so low of him. Did she really believe that sex was all that drove him? And that snide remark about Anya was really, REALLY arrogant. Apparently his recent actions and attempt at a reconciliation between them had meant nothing, she still thought he was useless. Secretly, in the complicated recesses of his mind, that was what really scared Xander: being useless in the eyes of those around him.  
  
  
  
Noticing his glum mood, Tara turned away from her conversation with Willow and asked meekly,  
  
'Xander are you all right? You seem a bit down.' she said hoping to let him get whatever was bothering him off his chest, as he had helped her do.  
  
He sighed and answered,' It's nothing real-', his voice cut off abruptly as his gaze focused upon a large group of men walking straight towards them. Observing their slow graceful movement through the graveyard, they seemed almost at home here... Vampires. He staggered his movement up the path away from his friends, the concerned eyes of young witches burning holes in the back of his skull now, Buffy and Riley still oblivious to the possible demons approaching them.  
  
* I may not have a certain Slayer's enhanced hearing and "spidey sense" but I know a vampire when I see one. Okay so far they only look like the undead but mascara and white skin will do that to you. Let's see, what else don't vampires like. Or what DO they like ... *  
  
Removing a small vial of fresh blood from the blood bank, Xander quickly and quietly threw the container into a nearby gravestone where it impacted with a slight tinkle, leaving a dark red smear on the tablet. Keeping in his top pocket had kept the vial warm and when it impacted with the headstone, the lead vampire flinched, but focused on the gravestone.  
  
* Okay, so he can smell the blood, that vial shattering was a bit too quiet for his hearing to worry about. I'm writing that little maneuver down for future reference *  
  
'Buff?' Xander called out to her with as little sound as possible. When her head turned to see what he wanted, Xander pointed two fingers to him eyes, then towards the approaching gang of vampires, imitating a signal used by military forces everywhere. Unfortunately, signaling was not Buffy's forte, and she just gave him a confused expression. Tara however noticed this. Her great-uncle had been a colonel in the army and told her many things about the battlefield when she was small, and reminded herself to ask Xander about it later, as she had never seen him do that before, or be so focused.  
  
'Xander, what? What do you want?' she asked, confusion clearly written on her features.  
  
'Oh, for the love of ... VAMPIRES!' he said loudly, shaking his finger vehemently in the direction of the demonic band.  
  
'Okay', she said turned to face the vampires now only ten meters away.  
  
Out of view, Xander carefully slid a stake and cross from sheaths on the interior of his brown jacket, and looked on as the vampires approached, absently falling into a fighting stance.  
  
'Hey pretty ladies, what's say we dump these two losers and me an' the boys will show you a real night out', the lead vamp said with a sickening air of arrogance.  
  
'You idiot. Do you really think REGULAR people walk around graveyards at night', she said, punctuating the last remark with the withdrawal of a stake from her coat, while Riley brought a crossbow pistol to bear on the second vampire.  
  
'Slayer, well zipp-dee-do. I hear your blood is the most powerful stuff on the face of the planet, I'm gonna enjoy drinking you down', he said cockily.  
  
While this idle banter was going between them, Xander had a different plan.  
  
* I'll show the high-and-mighty Slayer I'm not useless if it's the last thing I do, and it very well could be. * Xander thought to himself, sliding away into to the shadows, attempting to come at the vamps from behind.  
  
* Hey, this is actually working * Xander thought gleefully. So enraptured were the nine vampires that they were paying no attention to their backs. Moving as slow as possible, Xander came up to the vampire positioned at the far rear of the group.  
  
  
  
Watching the face-off between Buffy and the vampire gang in awe, Tara caught a glimpse of something moving out of the corner of her eye. At first thinking it to be another vampire she was about to warn Willow when the figure turned his head in her direction and winked at her.  
  
* Xander, what are you doing? Okay, calm yourself, he probably knows what he's doing. I'll prepare that Flash spell just to be safe * Tara discussed internally with herself, chanting the required words under her breath like a mantra, so at any moment she could let loose the spell if needed.  
  
  
  
Having stalked up behind the vampire he quickly devised a plan of attack. Directing the stake towards the vampire's heart in a thrusting motion, he easily pierced the creature's ribcage and plunged it full force into it's heart, turning it to dust immediately. Following through on his motion, Xander pivoted to his left and spun around, twisting the stake in his hands so the point was down instead of up. The force gained from the spin was enough to stake the other vampire as well, although the sudden loss of substance made him tumble back slightly. Regaining his position, he drew his polished oak cross from his jacket and imitated the stance of a samurai, cross held forward in his outstretched left hand while his stake remained pointing down on level with his hand ready for the vampires reactions.  
  
Hearing the destruction of his gang behind him, the leader turned around to see the new threat. Taking this advantage and not noticing Xander's involvement in the situation, the remaining Scoobies attacked. With wooden twang, Riley released the bolt from his crossbow, hitting a vamp through the heart dusting him. Buffy moved forward to engage two vampires at once, delivering a flurry of punches and kicks that left the gang members dazed from the punishment.  
  
Willow was not idle either, directing her right hand to a vampire she chanted a word, which was followed by a tight beam of fire that struck the targeted vampire in the chest, igniting it, destroying the creature in a plume of flames. Deciding to wait for the right time, Tara contained her spell's power for later discharge.  
  
Using the vampires distraction at having two opposing threats Xander closing on them, using his cross to push them back so the demons were back to back. From the corner of his vision Xander saw the blow coming but couldn't move fast enough to avoid it. A bulky vampire on his left swung out a torn tree branch, smacking the cross and stake from Xander's hands. Faltering, this gave two vampires the opening to attack him. Advancing on the young man, they both swung their fists towards his head. Seeing their moves coming this time, he aptly ducked both swings and brought his leg about in a wide swing, knocking both overextended minions off of their feet. Seizing the opportunity, Xander picked up the discarded tree branch and drove it through the first vampire's heart but the second one was faster. Getting up almost quicker than the eye could follow he delivered a series of blows to Xander's mid-section, winding him and forcing him back up against a tree. Coughing blood now, he was held up against a tree and while the vampire's superior strength and Xander's injuries prevented him from fighting back.  
  
* Oh my God, he's going to die * Tara thought desperately as Xander's limp form was pinned to the tree by his demonic attacker. The Flash spell she had been conjuring now good and ready, her nimble fingers crackling with an electrical glow.  
  
'Illuminata'  
  
After saying this word, she extended her arms quickly, a bright ball of energy at the very center of her arc, slowly growing to envelop her. This shell then instantly shattered like a sphere of glass, emitting a powerful shockwave that near-blinded all vampires engaging the core of their group but apparently left the demon attacking Xander unscathed. Dropping to her knees at the energy taken from her to cast the spell, Tara could only watch on helplessly as the vampire's sharpened fangs descended upon Xander's unprotected neck.  
  
Through blurred vision, Xander watched the vampires inevitable approach to his neck and braced himself for the oncoming pain. He had heard years before that once a vampire bites into you the victim couldn't stop it, as an agonizing pain paralyzes them. Soon after he thought this, the pain came. The vampire's fangs tore into his soft neck, penetrating the jugular artery and drinking deep. The stunning pain shot through his body, but there was no fear, no regrets. He had done his job and died in service of his friends and the destruction of evil. He had accepted his fate. It was over.  
  
So set upon this fate, he was surprised when he didn't black out, or collapse or anything. He looked forward to see the exhausted form of Tara, barely able to stand - their eyes locked. Few a few seconds they remained like this, until an understanding passed between them. He saw her lips move, then the words echo in his mind as clear as day, not caring that he couldn't read her lips of hear her speech.  
  
'Never give up.'  
  
A new strength coursing through his veins, Xander's previously pathetic attempt at resistance became stronger, fueled by Tara's words and the pure instinct of the will to survive. As he forced the vampire's head away from his bleeding neck, their eyes met. The determination and will in his focused on the demon's panic and ... fear. In this moment of disbelief, Xander summoned all the strength of his will, shoving the vampire to the ground; a petrified visage still painted upon its features. Groping the body of the tree, Xander's fingers found a short, thick branch. Keeping his eyes on the demon the whole time, he gripped it tightly, blood trickling down his palm from the multiple large splinters as he tore the improvised stake from the tree. Bringing it down upon the vampire's unbeating heart, it turned the previous bringer of death into nothing more than dry dust and ashes.  
  
The remaining vampires were quickly dispatched thanks to Tara's timely intervention, and the concerned group rushed over to check if their wounded friend was okay.  
  
  
  
The slow thud of his circulation was about the only thing he could comprehend at this point. His body was screaming out at him to give up, to let the now dulled pain subside and surrender to the oncoming darkness. Her words struck a cord deep within him, spurring him on even in this weakened condition. He had always been a stubborn person when it came to certain things - dying was one of them. He simply and bluntly refused to die. Somewhere in the distance her could feel himself being turned over, his friend's worried voices a crescendo of wails.  
  
'Please, don't die.'  
  
As before, her words cut like a razor-sharp sword to the heart of things, calling out to him, but her voice was clear and near to him, unlike the cries of the others. Clawing his way out from the abyss that was trying so hard to pull him in, Xander fought to keep conscious and felt himself being pulled to his feet and taken out of the graveyard, the entire world a blur.  
  
Coming towards them from the distance a pair of powerful lights focused on the group and someone got out, running towards them. At this point Xander couldn't stay awake any longer and fell unconscious.  
  
  
  
*******************************************  
  
At Sunnydale memorial hospital, a small band of friends surrounded the bed of one Alexander Harris, hopefully awaiting their comrade's return to reality. To the outside world it appeared that he was dreaming, his face twisting ever so often in reaction to something in the dream. On the inside however, Xander was at war with his psyche.  
  
  
  
The smell of cordite and gun oil permeated the air, but it didn't seem to offend his nostrils. The aura of the battlefield felt ... familiar. Like he had been here a thousand times before. His eyes snapped open and he looked around at the scene before him. He was lying face down in the foliage of some unknown jungle. Around him were piled the decaying bodies of his enemies, and friends. There were two people dressed in clothing similar to him, all over black jumpsuits and equipment pouches, and then an innumerable quantity of roughly dressed men carrying a variety of weaponry, mostly AK-47s. Each corpse was surrounded in a puddle of its own blood that soaked into the ground around it. Instead of the usual human sensation of vomiting Xander expected to feel, he was overcome with a grim sense of duty, and pulling himself to his feet, ran off into the night leaving his teammates bodies behind him.  
  
Suddenly the scene of battle was torn away and a thousand lifetimes flashed before him, each different than the last but equally powerful in nature, effecting all that surrounded them in unexpected ways. He saw kings, emperors, soldiers, great oracles and visionaries and then, he saw himself. Undefined, formless masses clawed at him from the dark, wounding him over and over, shouting his worthlessness and weaknesses at him, crippling him inside. Then a strange being cloaked in red cloth, its face shrouded in shadow approached him. The sheer presence of the creature rolled off of it.  
  
It pointed to him and said one word from the empty maw of its face.  
  
'Unnatural'  
  
The creature then faded into the immense darkness surrounding him, leaving him totally alone.  
  
'I always knew I'd end up here', Xander thought to himself, his mutterings seemed to echo as if he spoke them.  
  
  
  
Unaware of Xander's condition, Buffy, Willow and Tara were all lazily slouched on an old row of seats outside of his recovery room, drinking coffee and thinking heavily. They were all highly shocked by Xander's outburst of courage/stupidity, and were trying to rationalize his actions that evening.  
  
'What was he thinking charging into the fray like that', Buffy thought to herself, not so much shocked by Xander but upset that he had put himself in danger willingly, again.  
  
'I swear when he gets out of here, he and I are going to have a serious chat about his participation in combat. He nearly got himself killed this evening because he wanted to run off to the rescue ... again. He must have the biggest 'Knight in Shining Armor' complex on the planet, that jerk', Buffy fumed at her friend.  
  
While she was considering what to do about Xander's self-sacrificial tendencies, Willow had the most distraught expression painted on her beautiful face.  
  
'Oh God, oh God, oh God, what will happen if he doesn't come around. What if he's trapped in a coma for the rest of his life and can't get out? What if he's scared? What if...' Willow ran through all the worst-case scenarios if her head.  
  
From next to her, the small voice of Tara said softly,' You're babbling in your mind again honey'.  
  
'How could you tell?' Willow said, surprised at her girlfriend's insight.  
  
'You get this cute concerned look on your face, and your expression changes a little bit every few seconds', Tara said simply.  
  
'You know me too well', Willow said tenderly leaning her head on Tara's shoulder, making her envelop Willow with her arm.  
  
Tara was also thinking a lot about the events of the previous battle and Xander's actions in it, although she hid her concern a little better than the two other women next to her.  
  
' I never thought of Xander as the dashing into danger type. Those hand signals he was making were definitely from the army, even if the others didn't notice. Great Uncle Robert told me all about those. I think the one Xander did was like 'look over there'. Willow never said anything about Xander being in the army, where else would he learn those signals from. Oh I hope he's all right. Maybe we should sit with him, the nurse is gone now...'  
  
  
  
In through the heavy double doors at the entrance to the ward came Anya, barreling down the hall towards them like all the fires of Hell were hot on her tail. Approaching Buffy first, she began shouting at her, obviously distraught at her boyfriend's condition.  
  
'What the fuck did you do to my boyfriend slayer!' Anya spat out, causing Buffy to rise from her seat to stand eye to eye with the former vengeance demon.  
  
'I didn't do anything to him, he did that all by himself', she retorted pointing towards Xander's prone form through the window.  
  
'What! You must have done something, Xander doesn't try and play hero by himself!' she shouted vehemently.  
  
Seeing the tension growing between the two, Willow steeped in-between them and tried to calm them down.  
  
'Please, both of you calm down. Let's sit down and talk about this okay?' Willow said calmly hoping to persuade the two women from ripping into each other.  
  
Unwillingly the two women sat down on the seats and began talking.  
  
'Okay', Buffy said, calmer now after Willow's intervention,' We were patrolling in the cemetery, when I noticed a group of vampires approaching us. While we were fighting them, Xander ran straight at them. He was completely reckless. We managed to kill all the vampires but the last one bit into his neck before we were able to kill it. Then he collapsed and Giles picked us up and we took him here. Giles is at his apartment grabbing some of his clothes in case he wakes up.' The worry in Buffy's voice was clearly wearing through her aggravation at the young man that was unconscious in the room next to them.  
  
'Oh yeah, and Tara cast a really powerful blinding spell that really helped us win', Willow said, her tone a little higher at her pride in her girlfriend.  
  
'O-oh, it was n-nothing', Tara stuttered, her embarrassment showing clearly in her voice at the sudden attention.  
  
'I'm sure'; Anya said briskly,' but ... how is he?'  
  
Slightly annoyed at the quick dismissal of Tara's actions in the battle, Willow gave the doctors analysis,  
  
'The doctors said that he'd be fine but that he's in a deep coma. He should be okay but the longer he keeps himself in it, the lower his chances of recover are.'  
  
'What do you mean 'keep himself in it'. Last time I checked a coma wasn't voluntary', Anya snapped back.  
  
'They reckon that he's in some kind of heavy dream that he will have to break out of to wake up. It's completely up to him.'  
  
'Well isn't there anything we can do for him, to, you know, wake him up. I read something in a magazine that said you can wake people up from a deep sleep by putting their hand in warm water, or something like that.' Anya said, almost on the brink of tears.  
  
'No, that'll just make him pee his pants', Buffy said nonchalantly, staring off into space.  
  
'Oh.' Anya replied.  
  
'Well, w-we could take t-turns sitting with him. Talking to people in comas can help them come out of it, sometimes they can even hear w-what you say to them, but not always.' Tara said to the group.  
  
'Yes, we can do that. We just tell him how much we want him back and he'll wake himself up from his stupid dream.' Anya said hopefully.  
  
And with that decided, the four women sat back down on the seats and tried to keep themselves occupied. After the nurse had come back to check on Xander before the graveyard shift began, Anya moved into his room and started talking to him. She talked about her usual topics, ranging from the Magic Box to at one point her true reason for her fear of bunnies. Around midnight, Giles arrived with Xander's change of clothes and coffee for all concerned. He approached the group, put the coffee down then drew the small form of Buffy into his arms and gave her a strong hug. This was soon joined by a highly caffinated Willow who almost cut off their circulations with her intensity, and the unusual family sat down to watch over their fallen friend.  
  
'Any change?' Giles asked hopefully, but he knew the answer before it was spoken from the expression on Willow's face.  
  
'No, not yet. But this is still way too early to expect a change.' Willow said downheartedly.  
  
Suddenly, an idea flashed through Buffy's mind, a faint glimmer of hope attached to it.  
  
'Giles, could we use...' Buffy paused as a small group of interns passed on their rounds through the hospitals corridors,' magic to break his coma for him. I mean if he is in some kind of dream, it could be a really good one and he might not want to come back to us.'  
  
Upon hearing the discussion turning towards magic, Tara quickly picked up on the topic and added,  
  
'Uh, B-Buffy?' Tara said, and once she knew she had the blonde's attention continued,' Magic used for healing or regenerative p-purposes is very dangerous. If w-we tried to snap him out of it using magic it could seriously damage him. This is hard for all of us but we've got to let nature do its w-work.'  
  
'Uh, thanks Tara', Buffy said, trying to put on her most appreciative look for her best friends new lover.  
  
'It's just, I hate being so powerless.' Buffy said, looking quite lost.  
  
About half and hour later, Anya exited Xander's room looking exhausted and approached the others slowly.  
  
' I think I'm going to go home and rest. No sense staying here and looking even more ragged than I do already, Xander wouldn't like that.' Anya said before she walked out of the hospital ward, away from her stricken boyfriend, muttering something about him getting too involved in slaying.  
  
'Okay, who wants to go and sit with him now? Will, do you want to or you and Tara can go home.' Buffy said.  
  
' I'll do it.' Willow and Tara said at exactly the same time.  
  
Both the senior slayerette and slayer present looked at Tara like she had grown a second head, obviously surprised by her care for Xander. Being the newest addition to the Scooby gang neither was expecting her to bond to Xander as quickly as she did and often looked away when they talked about him.  
  
'Uh, Tara you really don't have to stay any longer. If you want to go home we can do that and Buffy can look after him. ', Willow asked her now blushing embarrassed girlfriend.  
  
'N-No, I think I should stay here as well. Xander's always been r-really nice to me, a-and I think its kinda my fault he's here.' Tara said, a bit worried about their response.  
  
'What? How could you think it's your fault? Xander really put himself here.' Willow said, shocked at her fellow witch's response.  
  
'W-Well, I saw him sneaking around the back of the v-vampires before he attacked them. I should have said something but I thought he knew what he was doing. He seemed so confident, not like n-normal.' Tara explained to the two confused women in front of her, trying to hide her guilt at this admission.  
  
'Wait, you saw him doing this and you didn't say anything to us? What made you think he was more confidant than usual anyway?' Buffy said, full of accusation at the shy witch.  
  
'He just acted differently, a-and he used that hand signal.' Tara tried to explain to the now angered slayer standing before her.  
  
'Still, you should have told ... hang on. What hand signal?' Buffy asked confused by what she thought happened and the viewpoint of the young witch.  
  
'You know, he did this', Tara said, then placed her middle and index finger above her eyes, then pointed them forward, demonstrating her explanation.  
  
'What's that mean Tara?' Willow asked, unused to this kind of perception from her girlfriend.  
  
'It's a m-military thing. I think it means 'look over there', without saying it of course. Did Xander ever work for the army?' Tara said.  
  
'No, no of course not. But he was once possessed by the spirit of a soldier at Halloween.' Buffy told her.  
  
'Well t-that could be it. Victims of p-possessions often have memories of the things they were possessed by. A soldier in this case.'  
  
'That explains the whole rocket launcher thing.' Willow said absent- mindedly.  
  
'Rocket Launcher?' Tara said  
  
'Yeah a few years ago we were fighting this big demon called the Judge. Basically no weapon forged could kill him. So we found one that wasn't forged. Xander knew how to work it and stuff then, but I would've thought those kind of memories would have faded by now. I mean, I don't think cars are demons still.' Buffy said. Tara was going to call her on the 'cars are demons' thing but thought better against it.  
  
Picking up on the avid discussion, the previously sleeping Giles put in his own view.  
  
'I think he has forgotten most of the soldier's memories, by his own admission. But perhaps he has some of the stronger instincts burned into his psyche. He may not even of know he did it.' Giles said, clearing up a few of the girls' questions,' Any further speculation should be saved for later, when Xander awakens. Buffy, I'll walk you home and Willow and Tara can stay here and keep him company. But don't stay too long, you both need your rest as well.'  
  
Pulling herself to her feet, Buffy stood with Giles for a few moments while the four exchanged their good-byes, and then walked out of the hospital as quickly as possible, Giles in tow. Willow and Tara also stood and walked through into their friend's room and took up the two empty seats on the side of his bed.  
  
They sat their like that for an hour, Willow occasionally asking Xander to get better of exchanging childhood stories, but her worry shone through. Eventually, she fell asleep and joined her friend in his unconscious state. Standing up from her seat, Tara walked over to Xander's bed and stared down at him. His skin was a deathly pale from all the blood taken from him; a large IV bag attached to him through a plastic tube, trying to replenish his supply. Watching closely, she saw that every so often, he twitched violently, as if he was being chased by something, or in pain. Tara reached out and placed her hand on top of his head, trying to calm him from whatever was coming for him.  
  
'Goddess, he's not in a dream, he's in a perpetual nightmare.' Tara said to herself, worried now for her newfound friend's mind. That kind of inescapable nightmare could drive him mad, even if he eventually awakened. Stroking back some of his hair, she prayed to all of the Wiccan deities for their protection upon the young man as his absence caused the group to seem a bit lost without him. To her knowledge, Xander had never really been taken away from them before. She stared down at him, and tried to detect how he was by her enhanced Wiccan senses.  
  
'Come on Xander, wake up, we need you back up here.'  
  
  
  
He was running as fast as his legs would carry him, sweat dripping off of his brow into the endless darkness surrounded him, as unknown demons and fiends chased him, wanting his blood with an unholy hunger. This torment seemed to go on forever, with no hope of ending. As it often did, the endless blackness took form around him, showing before him the Magic Box, all colour draining from the environment. On the floor were all of his friends, various horrific wounds covering their pale bodies. Everyone was there, all of his friends, people he knew, all dead because of his failure.  
  
'So this is what I get for trying to help. I'll never be able to save them. I'm worthless...'  
  
The darkness seemed to envelop him, enhancing his despair at his failures, their eyes all locked onto him, staring at him accusingly. He saw everyone he knew gone, almost everyone. Someone was missing. Given a task that didn't involve feeling sorry for himself, he searched the entire shop for that one missing person. Then it struck him like a bullet train.  
  
It was Tara. She was the one not dead. This bit of information gave him a sliver of hope that maybe there was one person who had survived, that he cared about. That's when the aforementioned person appeared at the entrance to the Magic Box.  
  
Dressed exactly the same as she had been the same day that he had been wounded, she strolled towards him and smiled at him.  
  
* How long have I been away from them? Oh god, what if they're not dead? This could just be some kind of sick dream. *  
  
The realization of hope had a profound effect of the environment around them. Colour poured back into the shop, flooding the stacks of books, walls, and ceiling, returning it to its former glory. The odd thing was that Tara had remain full of colour all the way through this transition, leading Xander to believe that she was able to help him.  
  
She was still there, smiling at him mischievously, and it proved that her smiling was very infectious. He could feel one spreading across his face.  
  
'Come on Xander, wake up, we need you back up here', Xander heard Tara's voice echo around the shop but her lips had not moved at all. Instead she pointed towards to door, smiled at him once more and then exited the shop. Following her lead, Xander walked out of the shop, and into the daylight.  
  
********************************* 


	2. Awakenings

Title: Destiny Means Nothing  
  
Chapter: Two  
  
Author: White Knight_7  
  
Pairing: Xander/Tara  
  
Rating: 12, maybe a 15 (For US readers, I think that confers to a PG-13 or PG-15)  
  
Summary: After a brush with death, Xander ends up rethinking his place in the Scooby Gang, and his relationship with a certain shy witch...  
  
Feedback: Yes please, this is my first real attempt at fanfic and so any ideas you have are welcomed as long as they are constructive.  
  
Author's Notes: This is set after the first episode of Season Five. Basically that means that Dawn is around and every one except Xander, Giles and Anya have just started the new college year. This is not an overtly bashing piece but as always if you want to create an unconventional pairing there might be some friction. Also, this is NOT a 'Xander gets a power and the author completely changes the character' story. There's something special about him no doubt, just no real powers involved. B/S shippers, PISS OFF MATE!  
  
Disclaimer: What idiot invented this thing anyway. Here goes. I don't own any of these characters, I'm just altering certain events in the Buffy the Vampire Slayer universe for my own benefit, to bolster the MEAGER T/X reservoir out there and show everyone what Joss should have paired people up with.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
The light gradually faded and around him, the world fell back into place and the darkness was gone from his mind. All over his body, his nerves found out he was awake and went into overdrive, aches and pains flooding his senses. Raising one tube-laden arm to his neck, he felt for a wound the vampire had given to him, running one finger over the bandages to make sure all the events of the previous night were real. The nightmares he endured bothered him enough, but some of the events in them were highly disturbing. People dying all around him, his friends, soldiers and countless others he couldn't identify. An overwhelming feeling of guilt overcame him, but then he remembered the other major character in this twisted play.  
  
Tara.  
  
He hadn't known her for very long, but she was a very nice person, helpful with all things magical, and above all made Willow happy. Despite the previous fraying of his relationship with his childhood friend, Xander still cared deeply for her and always liked seeing her happy. And Tara did that quite well and so was high on his list of good people.  
  
* Tara and I seemed to have gotten on quite well since Willow introduced her to the group, but why would she show up in my dreams. Not that she isn't attractive of course, just in a quiet, subtler way. Danger Will Robinson, naughty thoughts about best friend's girlfriend could make Willow take up transmutation in a whole new way. But still, it seems VERY odd for her to show up in a dream, especially one that was so freakish. *  
  
Waking from her light slumber, Tara once more glanced over at the bed of their fallen friend and to her complete surprise; he was staring back at her, brown eyes locked on blue.  
  
"Hey", he said to the surprised witch in front of him.  
  
"Uh, h-hey", she replied, a little unnerved by the way he was looking at her, as though he was sizing her up.  
  
Breaking away from his gaze, she gently shook her sleeping girlfriend beside her. Getting no response, she shook her more vigorously until Willow awoke from her slumber, eyes weary.  
  
"Honey, honey, Xander's awake", she told Willow quickly.  
  
Looking up at the bed instantly she saw the tired form of Xander looking back at her, waving weakly. Dashing over to his bedside, Willow grabbed him and embraced him in a tight hug, ignoring the sounds of pain he was making.  
  
"Will . oxygen required for survival", he croaked out. Hearing this she slackened her grasp to a light hug, smiling widely.  
  
"You had us worried you big oaf! What were you thinking running into bug hairy danger like that, you nearly died! Try anything like that again and I'll kill you myself!" the young wicca said defiantly.  
  
" I'm sorry Will, didn't mean to scare you. But please don't kill me, they don't change these hospital gowns very often", Xander said, and pulling some of the gown to his nose and sniffing it he continued," eeeww, definitely not the most hygienic of bedwear."  
  
Hearing this both girls burst into laughter, glad to see their friend back into his punning ways.  
  
"OH! I'd better go tell the others!" Willow said, shooting out of her seat to fetch the others into Xander's room and call Anya.  
  
Entering the room hurriedly came Willow, Buffy and Giles; the two latter had relieved expressions on their faces.  
  
Approaching his bed Buffy gave him a brief hug while Giles just patted him on the shoulder to show his appreciation at Xander's recovery. A few moments after the aura of glee had faded from Buffy's eyes, her expression changed into a deadly serious one.  
  
" What the HELL were you thinking pulling a stunt like that? We barely managed to get you to the hospital in time!" Buffy said, and after a break from her tirade for a glare continued," Care to explain what the hell you were playing at?"  
  
Getting used to this routine after he did something brash, Xander sighed and then told her,  
  
"I was trying to get a jump on them, you know, stealth, surprise, attacking from the rear?" he tried to explain, apparently not having much effect on the angry slayer.  
  
"Oh, don't try and trick your way out of this one, Xander. Maybe you shouldn't be patrolling with us at all. What you did was stupid, and thoughtless, and." Buffy said, running off a long list of points to him, but he interrupted her.  
  
"Something you would do?" he jabbed verbally.  
  
"Xander, I'm the SLAYER, its my job to do reckless things that endanger my life, it gets the job done. Nut you are just a regular HUMAN. You can't be doing those things and expect to come away undamaged, that's a great example" she said pointing her finger at the bite wound on his neck, covered by a large bandage at the moment.  
  
"Guys?" Willow said, but when that didn't break their glares," GUYS! There is no point arguing about this now; Xander's in a hospital bed and you're far too pissed off to think about anything rationally. Let's just leave this until the morning, the nurse said that Xander should be released by then. Okay?"  
  
Turning for the door, Buffy walked out briskly, finishing their argument, Willow staring at her retreating back.  
  
"Fine" she said coldly.  
  
Looking back to Xander, Willow said softly," We'll see you tomorrow. Coming Tara?"  
  
"Just a minute honey", she said to Willow, who just left the room and waited out in the hallway for her girlfriend.  
  
Looking at Tara like the boy who had his hand caught in the cookie jar, he said,  
  
" So, I really screwed up didn't I?" he said mournfully.  
  
"Maybe a little bit. But you really did a good thing today Xander. Spotting those vampires then getting, like, half of them is something to be proud of. But next time try to do it a bit safer, I think that might be a good idea" she said to Xander, sympathizing with him at Buffy's shouting match.  
  
Standing to leave she gave him a little wave then left the room, just missing Anya who flew in the door to wards him. Hugging him tight, she recoiled a bit then said,  
  
"I'm so glad you're okay. Please don't do that again, you really scared me. Almost as much as . bunnies" she said to her boyfriend.  
  
" I'm sorry Ahn, I didn't mean to scare you, it was kind of a split second thing", Xander told his girlfriend.  
  
"I'm sure, but . maybe you shouldn't go patrolling with them so much anymore? I mean what am I going to do to keep myself entertained at nights?" she said.  
  
"You haven't been talking to Buffy have you? Because she said something very similar about two minutes ago. Except for the 'keeping her entertained at night' part." Xander said, obviously disgruntled at another person telling him to stop patrolling.  
  
"You better not be. But it's just that I don't want to lose you to some nameless demon for no reason at all. You know, I had to drag myself from counting the cash register for this?" she said, hurt a bit by his words.  
  
" But am I worth it?" he said mischievously, running his hands slowly up her back.  
  
"Maybe" she said, then pulled away from him.  
  
"I'll be back in the morning with coffee and doughnuts. Night night" she said affectionately.  
  
Once Anya had left his room, he turned out his bedside light and fidgeted among the bed sheets, trying to find a comfortable way to sleep. As he drifted off in sleep, praying to all things holy that he wouldn't have to endure those nightmares again.  
  
  
  
Awakening from his nightmare free slumber, Xander looked around his small hospital room, wincing as the rays of light from the window assaulted his eyes. Pulling himself up in the bed he looked around to see his room empty. Glancing over at the clock he noticed it was only 8:30.  
  
*Huh, the guys won't have arrived yet, maybe I'll give them a surprise. * Xander thought to himself, dipping into the sports bag next to him and retrieved some of his clothes the others had brought.  
  
Dressing himself haphazardly, trying not to stretch his neck too much, Xander got up out of his room and walked out of the ward and the hospital, handing his gown to the nurse's station.  
  
The hospital was a hive of activity, nurses and orderlies running from one room to the other, shouting for assistance, further increasing the din. At the far end of the hall, an old man dressed in the uniform of a policeman came running down the hall, trying to escape the clutches of the hospital staff.  
  
When he approached Xander, he stopped dead in his tracks, at looked at him like he had seem a thousand ghosts all at once. Backing away from Xander, the man staggered back into the wall, then said in a low, conspiratorial voice,  
  
"You, you're not supposed to be here . what, how, you're . Leave me alone, please." the man said pressing his hands to either side of his head, as if he was trying to push something out of his skull, cowering in Xander's presence.  
  
Walking slowly towards him, Xander held his hands up in the air, showing his intentions to the man before him.  
  
"I'm sorry, what are you frightened of?" Xander said softly, trying to calm him down.  
  
Screaming no, the policeman pointed all around Xander, as if to a hundred fireflies surrounding his head.  
  
"You, and you, and you", he screamed, then finally pointed to Xander and uttered," . and YOU!"  
  
"What, what do you mean?" Xander said, riled by this madman's accusations.  
  
Before he could say anything else, the hospital staff caught up with the escapee and restrained him with leather straps to the metal gurney, covering his mouth with a gag. A hospital orderly approached Xander, and tried to explain the situation to him.  
  
"Sorry about that, we try to keep all the patients from D-ward away from the regular hospital traffic, but a few of them always manage to make fools of us now and again", the junior doctor told him, a small smile tugging at his lips.  
  
"D-ward, isn't that some kind of Looney Toons department, or something", Xander inquired.  
  
"Yeah, it's where we keep all our mentally unstable patients. They seem to be coming in by the dozen these days," he said.  
  
"Well, that's Sunnydale for ya, home of the weird and wacky", Xander replied with a half-hearted grin, as he considered the patient's words.  
  
Hearing the shout for assistance from the nearby room, the young doctor blurted out,  
  
"Sorry, but I gotta go. Se ya" he said dashing into the room and out of sight.  
  
A little disturbed by the man's outburst, Xander snapped back to reality and began heading for the swinging double doors out of the hospital.  
  
But something called him back. Instead of walking out of the front door, he took a left turn, followed by a succession of smaller turns that only someone as versed in the hospitals layout as he could pull off (when you're a friend of the slayer, hospitals seem to come with the turf).  
  
Ahead of him lay an empty desk with a small flickering lamp on it; vacant of whatever nurse was supposed to be watching the ward ahead of him. Painted in large black letters were six bold words:  
  
D-ward, Psychiatric and Mental Care.  
  
Slowly pushing the doors apart, Xander walked slowly into the large room, the insane babbling of the patients filling his head immediately. He looked around at the various patients, hoping for no reaction, just an occasional stare or a maddened glance.  
  
But the Harris family luck rarely extends beyond the poker table.  
  
All the patients in the room sat up abruptly, straining to get out of their prison beds, all the while shouting,  
  
"You, not you, no no you shouldn't be here" those words or something similar to them erupted from everyone in the room, crawling around in their beds, as if terribly afraid of what he might do to them.  
  
*What the HELL is going on? Suddenly I'm making crazy people around me terrified out of their pants. I don't think I've ever gotten that kind of reaction before. They looked like they thought I was a debt collector coming to take their thumbs . * Xander thought to himself, very confused and a little freaked out by Sunnydale's insane population suddenly finding him so frightening.  
  
Making a quick escape before anyone decided to take an interest in the racket they were making, Xander quickly turned and fled from the ward at top speed. Once he was far enough away from them, he slowed to a walking pace and purposefully made his way to the entrance, exiting into the bright morning sun.  
  
  
  
  
  
After he left the hospital Xander walked over to his apartment, being sure to avoid the direction of the Magic Shop. Entering the empty apartment, he saw that Anya was indeed gone to work and it was clean as a whistle.  
  
*I always wondered how Anya dealt with worrying when I wasn't around. Well at least I don't get critically wounded too often; otherwise she'd go Martha Stuart on me. *  
  
Shedding his clothing, he jumped into the shower and welcomed the cold blast of water that followed. Relaxing against the tiled surface, he thought back to the odd events that had happened in the past two days, trying to make any sense out of them.  
  
*If that weird dream wasn't enough now I've got every crazy person in Sunnydale staring at me like I'm the anti-Christ. And Tara. Barging in on my dreams like that. I mean, why not Anya or Buffy, hell even Willow. She's probably the oddest choice out of all the women I know. And gay, not a plus factor. *  
  
Considering what he should do next, he switched the shower off and stepped out, walking over to the basin to give himself a quick shave. Lifting the bloodied bandages around his wound Xander reached for the first aid box he kept above the sink, to treat the minor injuries he often sustained on patrols with Buffy. Before he put the bandages back on, he studied the wound. The area surrounding it was near white drained of most of its colour from the vampire's bite, regardless of transfusions. One of Xander's greatest fears was being turned, he couldn't stand the thought of his dead body attacking and terrorizing his friends. After hearing from Willow about what he was like in the alternate reality, he didn't want the same thing to happen here.  
  
*Next time Giles is training Buffy Maybe I should sit in on it. My fighting abilities are about the same as my high school grades. Almost non-existent. *  
  
Resolved to his new course of self-preservation, Xander finished cleaning himself up and changing, before heading out the door of his apartment and off to the Magic Shop.  
  
  
  
  
  
The bell chimed above the door as Xander entered the cluttered Magic Shop, dodging the assorted boxes stacked high at the front. Present in the shop was Buffy, Riley, Willow, Tara, Giles and Anya - apparently distributing orders to all others present.  
  
Seeing Xander enter, Anya turned to him and excitedly said,  
  
"Xander! What are you doing here! Shouldn't you still be at the hospital in that outrageously priced room of yours?" she said, a glimmer of worry shining through her money-crazed thought.  
  
"Yes, we wouldn't want you injuring yourself again while your still weak" Giles added.  
  
"Guys, I'm fine. The blood loss just took a bit of fight out of me. It's not like we're doing heavy work." he said, glancing around at the stacked crates around the shop and realization hit him, " oh dear God, its re- supply day isn't it?" Saying this, he observed many tired looks around the room telling him his statement was true.  
  
"Aha! Tara and I can use a levitation spell to lift and sort the crates. No achy back work required." Willow suggested followed by a look from Anya that said it all.  
  
"Are you insane! Any kind of magic spell cast around this amount of magical supplies could blow us all up! No, you'll just have to exercise whatever muscles you have. Unfortunately we won't be able to use Xander's large upper arm muscles, so Buffy that means double for you."  
  
"Great, I'm a magical Buckaroo donkey." Buffy said, getting up from the table to start her work.  
  
Obviously disgruntled by Anya's attitude, Giles said,  
  
"Anya, would you care to explain why you are ordering me around in my own shop?" Giles said.  
  
"Because I know the shops inventory better than you and you can carry more things than me." Anya replied.  
  
Resigned to his task Giles just rose from his chair and began work. Willow too stood up and began to pick up some of the smaller items at the front of the shop, and arrange them in piles. That left Tara and him seated at the round table in the center of the shop. Looking at her, Xander noticed the weary look on her face and wondered why she was so tired.  
  
"Why so tired wicked Wiccan witch of the west?" Xander asked, trying to perk up her spirits.  
  
"History paper followed by many cups of coffee. And I'm not a wicked witch, just mildly mischievous." Tara said, grateful for the enthusiastic company, everyone else was resigned to the dreadful task of stacking.  
  
"Enough with the alliteration already . dammit!" he said, realizing his mistake too late, then changed his voice into a deeper tone.  
  
"Are you sure that was ALL that was keeping you awake last night?" he asked the witch suggestively, waggling his eyebrows for effect.  
  
"HEY!" Tara said, slapping Xander on the arm, which just made him grin wider.  
  
"Sorry, force of habit." he responded apologetically.  
  
Noticing the two idly chatting, Anya approached them.  
  
"Xander, you shouldn't putting Tara off her work, we have a lot of boxes to sift through. And could you help with cataloguing if your just going to sit there." She said, annoyed at her boyfriend's chatty nature for once.  
  
Rising from her seat, Tara walked slowly towards the crates to do her dues.  
  
"Ugh, a full night of work yesterday and now manual labour today. I'm never going to get any rest at this rate." Tara thought to herself.  
  
Hearing this as if it were words from her own mouth, Xander responded to them, unaware that no sound had left her lips.  
  
"Don't worry Tara. I'm sure Willow will leave you alone tonight." He said jovially on his way to the training room to collect a few of the shops inventory books.  
  
Turning swiftly towards Xander, she saw him enter the back room leaving her completely bewildered.  
  
"But I didn't say anything."  
  
  
  
  
  
Three and half hours later, the combined forces of Sunnydale's demon- fighting forces were all sitting around the table, finalizing the accounts that Giles that so cleverly forgotten to do since his purchase of the Magic Box. All this combined with Xander's incredible mathematical skills had left them with a lot of paperwork to sift through. Willow of course was in calculator heaven.  
  
"All this maths is making me hungry. I'm gonna head to the burger place off Main Street anyone want?" Xander said to his assembled friends. Eager for food, they barked out orders at him of what they wanted. As he was walking out of the shop, Tara got up from her chair and said,  
  
"Xander, do you want some h-help carrying all that?" Tara said, hoping he would say yes so that they could talk in private.  
  
"Uh, sure Tara. See you guys later." He said, holding the door open for Tara then followed her outside onto the street.  
  
After the had walked a short distance down the street in silence, Tara turned around to Xander as if to say something but then went back to staring at the pavement. A little worried by her odd behavior, Xander tried to find out what was wrong.  
  
"Tara, are you okay? You seem a bit weirded out. And it's not that I don't appreciate the company but you don't usually volunteer for food-carrying duty." Xander said, probing her for answers.  
  
"Uh, yeah I'm fine. Have you noticed anything . odd recently? Like voices in your head or something?" Tara said.  
  
"I don't think so, unless you count my libido," Xander said, getting a giggle from his friend," why do you ask?"  
  
"Are you sure? Maybe in a dream or just a casual thought?" Tara asked again.  
  
At the mention of dreams, Xander quickly focused his eyes on the pavement and tried to avoid Tara's questioning.  
  
"Xander?"  
  
"This is going to sound very disturbing, and I'm not sure it's relevant." He said cautiously.  
  
"Go on." Tara said, urging him on.  
  
"Well, while I was in that coma, I started dreaming. Heavy dreaming. I won't go into it all the way but there was one part in the Magic Box. Everyone I knew was lying on the ground, dead. Everyone except you," he said, observed her carefully, then carried on.  
  
"You came into the shop, everything else was in black and white, except for you. 100% techicolour. Then we both walked outside and I woke up. Strange thing is while I was still dreaming I thought I heard you say something, then when I was coming around I thought I heard you say the same thing. As I said, tres crytique." Xander said, finishing with a terrible French accent.  
  
*Wow, he was dreaming about me? I didn't ever think guys thought of me like that? That's silly Tara, it sounded more like a nightmare than a dream. Ahh, drifting off topic. * She thought, staring off into the distance.  
  
While they were talking, Xander had led them up to the fast-food counter and got their usual monster order to feed the gang. Once he had paid the cashier and both he and Tara were loaded up with bags of food, Xander continued their conversation.  
  
"So Tara, what's with al the questions, hmm? Trying to find out my secrets? Come on, spill." He said, determined to find out what was going on with the young witch.  
  
"Okay. In the Magic Box, you know when you were doing the accounts and then you made a BAD joke about Willow and me?"  
  
"I vaguely recall, Inspector."  
  
"I didn't say anything." Tara said to him.  
  
"What do mean? I know it was a bad joke but no reason to blank it from your memory." He said, very confused now.  
  
"No, I didn't say it. But I did think it, just not out loud." She said trying to gauge his reaction.  
  
"Hold on, hold on. You're saying that I some how did the Vulcan mind thing from across the room?" He halted their walk back to the Magic Box then said,  
  
"Cool."  
  
"I don't know how it could've happened though. I mean, I tried this once with Willow already, but all it did was put some idiotic song in my head that she'd been listening to all day. God, I hate the Spice Girls." Tara said, annoyed by the memory.  
  
"Cool it one second there Tara. This is probably some backfired spell or something; I'm certainly good at those. We'll figure it out. You're like, super-smart magic gal."  
  
After saying this, Xander noticed Tara grin widely, then try and turn away from him, obviously embarrassed.  
  
"I'm r-really not. Willow's much better at that stuff than I am." Tara said, trying to deflect attention away from herself.  
  
Wondering when this psychic power would work, Xander took Tara's hand gently and concentrated.  
  
"Now that's not true. Anyway, let's try and keep this between ourselves, and just don't think of anything involving, say, you and Willow both dressed in leather?"  
  
Falling into the simple mind trick Tara thought of herself and Willow in leather. Much to both his surprise and enjoyment, Xander picked up a very good image in his mind of the two Wicca dressed in said leather.  
  
Tara's fears were realised when she heard Xander's whoop of joy, which she followed up with a curt smack to the back of the head as they entered the Magic Shop. 


	3. Of Past Lives and Futures Present

Title: Destiny Means Nothing  
  
Chapter: Three  
  
Author: White Knight_7  
  
Pairing: Xander/Tara  
  
Rating: 12, maybe a 15 (For US readers, I think that confers to a PG-13 or PG-15)  
  
Summary: After a brush with death, Xander ends up rethinking his place in the Scooby Gang, and his relationship with a certain shy witch...  
  
Feedback: Yes please, this is my first real attempt at fanfic and so any ideas you have are welcomed as long as they are constructive.  
  
Author's Notes: This is set after the first episode of Season Five. Basically that means that Dawn is around and every one except Xander, Giles and Anya have just started the new college year. This is not an overtly bashing piece but as always if you want to create an unconventional pairing there might be some friction. Also, this is NOT a 'Xander gets a power and the author completely changes the character' story. There's something special about him no doubt, just no real powers involved. B/S shippers, PISS OFF MATE!  
  
Due to some suggestions by readers, and my beta Kaz, I shall display some grammatical aids.  
  
"" = Speech  
  
** = Thoughts/Telepathy  
  
Italics = Memories  
  
Disclaimer: What idiot invented this thing anyway. Here goes. I don't own any of these characters, I'm just altering certain events in the Buffy the Vampire Slayer universe for my own benefit, to bolster the MEAGER T/X reservoir out there and show everyone what Joss should have paired people up with.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
The door of the Magic Box swung wide open, signaling the arrival of Xander and Tara. While Xander had a mile-wide grin plastered across his face, Tara was blushing like mad and trying to make eye contact with anyone in the room. Quite confused by this, Willow began to mentally ponder the situation.  
  
*What are they finding so funny I wonder? I've never seen Tara like that when I tell one of my jokes. I bet it was a sex joke or something like that, I mean it would have to be to . *  
  
"Are you mind babbling again, Wills? " Xander said, his words breaking Willow out of her reverie to answer him.  
  
"What? What do you mean." She said confused until she realized what he was talking about and replied, "Oh . yeah. A little I guess, how could you tell?" Willow asked.  
  
"You do this cute thing with your face, dead giveaway to us experienced Willow-watchers," Xander explained, directing a smile at both Willow and Tara before walking over to the table and dropping his grease-covered paper bags on the table, commencing the feeding frenzy.  
  
Once everyone's stomachs were sufficiently stuffed with food, Willow and Tara got up from their seats and begun collecting their things.  
  
"Where are you going, Wills? I didn't think we had a lecture today." Buffy commented to her friend.  
  
"We", Willow said, pointing to the three college friends," don't. But Tara and I found this new Wicca group. We are going to check out. It was a little under the radar and took some finding but we met one of the members last week and introduced ourselves. The first meeting is tonight."  
  
"Real witches this time or just more bad Martha Stuart impersonators?" Xander quipped reminded of what Willow had told him about the first group of wicca-wannabes she had found on campus: the most powerful element they could conjure was the lemon fruitcake. However, that group was the first place Willow had met Tara, definitely a good point.  
  
"No Xan, full-blown witches this time. They did a few minor demonstrations, like printing and removing tattoos from each other. One of them even turned her hands into green mist."  
  
"It was v-very cool." Tara added from Willow's side.  
  
"Yeah. This week we're going to try and help this girl who randomly teleports whenever she sneezes." the redhead added excitedly.  
  
Walking out from behind the counter after hearing this, Anya turned to the two wiccans and said, "Well, if they are real spellcasters than they can maybe come and practice some of their magic here in the shop."  
  
"Now just a minute -." Giles said before Willow swiftly interrupted him,  
  
"Thanks Anya, that's really thoughtful." Willow said, taken aback by Anya's seeming generosity.  
  
"Well, that and the pots of money we'll make from selling them magic supplies." Anya explained.  
  
"That's my girl," Xander said affectionately, "always thinking with your wallet."  
  
After this exchange Buffy turned to Willow, a bit suspicious about the thought of them joining this new Wicca group. "Just be careful Will. I don't want you joining some evil magical cult or anything. Those tattoos could be evil, or something." Buffy told her friend, still a bit wary after Xander's near-death experience. She was the one person who did not need reminding about the casualties they had sustained over the years. Such a near miss with one of the people closest to her rattled her quite a bit, although her pride got in the way of just saying it out loud.  
  
"Not to play down your perceptive abilities, but would an evil magic cult use Mickey Mouse as their emblem?" Willow questioned the worried Slayer.  
  
A small smile spread across Buffy's face at her friend's words and she replied, "I'm sorry Will, I know it's stupid but we've just been taking a few too many chances and getting sloppy lately." She momentarily glanced in Xander's direction but her eyes quickly flitted back to Willow. "Go. Have fun and try to find out a bit about this group. They might be useful to us. You know what kind of magic they practice, how good they are."  
  
" . the gay to straight ratio." Xander added, instantly earning him shocked looks from all females in the room - except Anya. "Oh please, I was just curious how often witches turn out to be gay; all that magic and late-night spell casting, who could blame you?" Xander continued earning a pair of blushes at the last remark as the two witches in question remembered their experiences with casting spells at the dead of night.  
  
"Xander please, I think that's enough abrasive comments from you for now." Giles told him.  
  
"I know you've thought about it, Giles; I seem to remember a night in not too long ago involving a bottle of absinthe." the young man informed the room suggestively.  
  
"Giles!" said a shocked Buffy, trying to get the disturbing images of her drunk Watcher out of her head.  
  
"I think the less said about that the better." Giles tried to cover up.  
  
Standing next to Xander now, Anya spoke up. "Actually you're half right - about the lesbian thing, not Giles being pissed out of his tree. There is an island in the Aegean Sea called Lesbos and until about 900 years ago about 300 lesbian witches populated it. They came up with some powerful sex and love spells, I can tell you."  
  
Before anyone could say anything else, a huge bout of giggles erupted from the doorway. Turning to see where it was coming from, they saw Joyce with a bemused expression on her face and Dawn - who was bent over laughing.  
  
Suddenly blushing with embarrassment, Buffy asked her mother, "Uh mom, just how long were you standing there?"  
  
"Long enough," replied the older woman as she and Dawn walked towards the center of the shop and greeted everyone there.  
  
"Great. More people who won't spend any money in the shop." Anya said as she busied herself with a box filled with small statues of Hephaestus.  
  
They mostly ignored Anya's tactless comment. Dawn immediately steered for Xander's place at the table while Joyce approached Buffy.  
  
"Hey Dawn Patrol," Xander said, raising his hand to give the youngest Summers lady a high five.  
  
"Hey Xand." She said returning his high-five then asked, "What are you doing?"  
  
"Well my young friend, I have been filling up on calories and delving into the terrifying world of tax returns." Xander said.  
  
While Xander and Dawn talked each other's ears off, Joyce and Buffy were talking more seriously. "All right Buffy, you are to look after Dawn until I get back from the gallery at four. Make sure she gets some of her work done now because she has a project due on Monday. Okay? " Joyce told her eldest daughter.  
  
"Yes mom, look after Dawn, check, make sure she does her work, check, get annoyed all afternoon." Buffy said before Dawn responded with a "HEY!"  
  
Once Joyce had left the store, Buffy turned to Dawn, a serious expression painted across her face.  
  
"Dawn, you are not to touch or even go near ANYTHING on the shelves, counter or anywhere in the shop. You are to get at least an hour of work done before Mom comes to pick you up. I'll be in the back training with Riley and Giles. Don't call me out unless it's really important. Got it?" Buffy railed into her little sister, in a similar way to what her mother had done only minutes before.  
  
To answer her, Dawn gave Buffy her best 'couldn't care less' look, forcing Xander to break the sisterly stalemate, and raising his hand in a mock salute said, "Yes Master-Chief Summers, all present and correct, huuah!"  
  
Looking bewildered for a moment, Buffy feigned apathy and replied, "Uh, yeah. Whatever. Just make sure she does it okay?" She then turned and went into the training room at the back of the shop.  
  
As Riley turned to join her, he contemplated Xander for a moment, *Weird guy. Most of the time he's a crazy joker, but every so often he actually seems to know what he's doing. * He thought, thinking back to the events of the previous night and Xander's actions during it.  
  
* I suppose living on a 'Hellmouth' or whatever for all of your life has got to toughen you up. I guess he's just seen Apocalypse Now one too many times.*  
  
Once Riley had gone into the back room, Dawn and Xander continued talking. "So, do you know why Buffy is being an ice queen today. more than usual I mean?" Dawn asked Xander, curious as to her sister's recent change in attitude.  
  
"Ah, yeah. I think that's kinda my fault, Dawnie." Xander said.  
  
"Why? You didn't hide Mr. Gordo in the washing machine again did you?"  
  
"No, nothing so serious. Last night while we were on patrol, we got into a fight with a couple of vamps and I got bit by one of them." Xander explained and Dawn's breath hitched when she heard he had been bitten. "Don't worry, no lasting damage but it really freaked Buffy out, I think. Good to know she cares I suppose, but I think it's earned me the cold shoulder for a couple of days."  
  
"I'm glad you're still alive." Dawn said quietly, as freaked as her sister about the concept of a dead or turned Xander.  
  
Smiling at the young women beside him, Xander leaned over and gave her a quick hug of reassurance and said, "Thanks Dawn."  
  
**************************************************************************** **********  
  
The sun was low in the sky when Xander finally left the Magic Box, bored out of his wits and with a sore backside to boot. While he was sure he would now try to avoid doing tax returns for as long as possible, there was still the issue that was confusing him the most and that was the situation with Tara. He had no idea what could be causing their freak 'connection', especially since they had only really gotten to know each other. Why hadn't this happened to him and Buffy, or Willow? Not that he was complaining; his previous experiences with this random telepathy had been interesting. Still, it begged investigating, but how?  
  
He opened the door to his apartment and strode over to the kitchen to make a sandwich. Once the ingredients were collected, he began to wonder where Anya had gotten to, and so shouted into the apartment, "Sweetie? Are you here?"  
  
A short yelp was heard from the bedroom and Anya bounded through the door and ran over to Xander, giving him a fiery kiss. "Hey honey, when did you get back?" Anya questioned him.  
  
"Oh, just a few minutes ago. Were you sleeping?"  
  
"Yeah. Who would have thought that counting money could make me so tired?" Anya said, turning to help Xander construct his infamous turkey and stuffing sandwiches. "Anyway, I was thinking we could just have a quiet night in; you, me, the TV, and a box of condoms. Sound good?"  
  
Grinning like a fool, he leaned over to kiss her, wondering what he did in a past life to deserve her. Although rather brash and occasionally thoughtless (by a savvy human's standards), she was the best he could ever hope for.  
  
Grabbing his pile of sandwiches, he plopped down on the sofa, with Anya curled up next to him while they cycled through several of his DVDs, until the phone rang, disrupting their quiet time.  
  
Anya was closest to the receiver and picked it, bellowing into it, "What d'ya want? I'm in the middle of 'The Sound of Music', so if you don't have a good reason, rethink calling this number!"  
  
The phone was silent for almost ten seconds before the person on the other end carried on, "U-uh, A-Anya? It's m-me Tara. Sorry to disturb you but is X-Xander there?" the cowed Wiccan asked tentatively.  
  
"Um, yeah, I suppose, one second." Anya replied, a little confused by what Willow's girlfriend would be doing calling her BOYFRIEND outside of sociable hours.  
  
"Xander, Tara's on the phone. She wants to speak with you." Anya said, covered the phone then followed up, "Are you having sex with her?"  
  
Utterly shocked by this Xander managed to blurt out, "W-WHAT! No, of course not. Pass the phone please."  
  
Taking the phone from his irate girlfriend, he leaned back into the comfy sofa and then said into the phone,  
  
"Hi Tara. What brings you to call me at this hour?"  
  
"U-uh, sorry. Is this a b-bad time?"  
  
"Nah, course not. But in future you might want to avoid Anya's 'cheery capitalist film' time." He said, trying to reassure the young witch now terrified of his girlfriend.  
  
This obviously worked as he could hear a high-pitched giggle echo down the phone, then Tara continued speaking, "T-Thanks for the advice. Anyway, I was wondering if we could meet up tomorrow, i-if you're free that is, to talk about, well, our 'thing'. Could you maybe meet me in the University library at eleven?"  
  
Thinking it over quickly, he decided that it was better to figure out what was happening sooner rather than later, and so quickly answered back, "Sure, sounds great. I don't have any work tomorrow, nothing to hammer together on Sundays. Eleven it is."  
  
"Okay. B-Bye."  
  
"Bye."  
  
After he had given the phone back to Anya, a confused frown appeared on her face and she asked, "So, what was that about then?"  
  
"Oh, nothing much. Tara just wants me to meet up with her tomorrow, to help her with." Xander answered, then quickly lied. "a history paper. On Sunnydale. Since I've been here my whole life, she wanted an insider's perspective on it." Despite his apparently excellent talent for lying, he hated doing it to his girlfriend.  
  
"Why can't Willow help her with it? I mean, she's been here as long as you have and probably wouldn't mind." Anya said, a little curious why Tara would be asking Xander, of all people, for help on a history paper.  
  
"Willow's away with her parents tomorrow, visiting one of her uncles in LA and she won't be back 'til late, and the paper's due for tomorrow." Xander explained, most of it true. Willow was indeed visiting her Uncle Eugene in LA; the history paper was just a helpful cover.  
  
"Okay, that's fine. But right now you're going to show me some special attention." She said, pulling him towards the bedroom.  
  
"Oh, I love giving you special attention, hun." Xander replied.  
  
**************************************************************************** **********  
  
If someone were to observe the scene in Xander's bedroom, they might consider it peaceful; his arm draped across the women next to him protectively, a content look on his face. However this observer would be wrong. He might appear calm outside, but internally he was raging.  
  
A blurry wish-wash of bright colours appeared before Xander, swirling steadily before coming into focus. Thinking he was getting out of his bed in the morning, he was quite surprised to note that not only was he standing up already, but also was dressed. The colours focused and he realized he was standing in the middle of a grass-covered field, a light grey sky above his head.  
  
* Oooo-kay. Where did my room go? Why am I outside? * Xander thought to himself worriedly.  
  
Looking down at himself, he was quite stunned. Instead of his normal apparel of a shirt and smart jeans, he was dressed head to toe in heavy- looking black armor, spikes curling up on his shoulders like half-formed waves. He was also holding a long obsidian sword in one hand and a shorter, thicker blade in the other.  
  
* Not good, not good! Dark armor and evil weapons! I'm so dead. * Xander wracked his brain, but then it hit him, * Oh crap, this is way too similar to that nightmare I had in the hospital, except this time I look like the."  
  
He paused for a second while it sunk in, * Bad Guy. *  
  
Looking to either side of him he saw long battle lines draw out, peppered with all manner of creatures dressed in similar dark armor, most of them demons. When he looked one in the eye, what he saw surprised him. He saw.respect, fear maybe even a tinge of loyalty. All these creatures were working for him.  
  
Finally, he scanned the horizon in front of him and his suspicions were confirmed. He really was the villain of this piece. His final clue was that the other battle lines drawn out across the field, apparently smaller in number, were filled with beings in white armor and various other clothing, humans and one or two ethereally cloaked creatures. In short, the good guys.  
  
*This would be a really good time to wake up. Make breakfast, have more sex with Anya, anything but this. *  
  
He tried to open his hand and drop the sword, running like his instincts, for the most part, were telling him to. But then an overpowering calm entered him, and he could no longer move. He could still feel everything, physical and emotional, but he couldn't divert from his course.  
  
His body raised the long sword high above his head, holding it there. Everyone in his (?) army tensed, waiting for what was going to happen next.  
  
He started to run, dropping the sword as he did so, and the lines burst forward, charging headlong into the fast approaching enemy, who began moving shortly after they had.  
  
The next few minutes were hectic to say the least. Sword smashed against sword, axe or even flesh. While Xander himself was used to small skirmishes and the inherent blood that tended to flow, this was horrific. Strangely, he did not feel the need to vomit, or run and hide. The calm that he had felt earlier was still there, even in the tangled mess of battle, controlling him, keeping him in check. He was almost reveling in it. And at this point, he wasn't sure if these were emotions from the person he was supposed to be or himself.  
  
After a while, it seemed as though they was going to lose, demons falling like raindrops all around him, struck down by some yet unseen force. Stepping back into a cadre of demon soldiers, he carefully surveyed the battlefield. While most of the heavier battle demons were still around, many of the regular foot soldiers lay dead on the ground. Looking into the distance, it seemed that several of the angelic creatures were surrounding one human woman, not yet engaged with the fighting.  
  
* Hmm, must be their general. * He observed tactically.  
  
While his foot soldiers were falling in droves, not too many of the humans were dead, by comparison. In fact most of them were firing arrows and bolts from a distance, so what was killing his demons? Then he saw it, or more accurately, her.  
  
Attacking several demons at once with a long curved blade, she easily dodged their clumsy swings or parried them and followed up with a fatal counter-attack. She moved with near godly grace that should be possessed by someone much her senior, yet she only appear about eighteen. There was only one girl ('in all the world') who could best demon-kind like that.  
  
The Slayer.  
  
He barked orders to the surrounding demons in a foreign language he could barely understand, and the demons responded by surrounding him in a circle, shields raised and approached the young warrior. The other humans attempted to slow their advance with arrows from their bows but the projectiles just bounced off the thick metal shields harmlessly. When they finally got to the Slayer, the other demons broke off to distract the remaining human warriors while he walked up to her in a ready fighting stance.  
  
Whirling around to face him, she looked momentarily puzzled that she wasn't facing another demon, but a human. This passed quickly as she dropped in a similar fighting stance, her blade held with both hands, pointing down and to the right, waiting.  
  
They may have stood there for ten seconds or ten minutes, neither could really tell, but it was her that struck first. She brought her sword up in an inverted cut followed by a quick downward one, using her speed to the full. She expected him to be unable to handle such a quick attack, being just a human. Instead, he used the fact she was overextended to his advantage and spun along her blade, trying to deliver a fatal cut across her midsection, which she was barely able to block, and even this was done awkwardly. Seeing his chance, he delivered a series of strong cuts and jabs designed to put her off balance. Countering his tactic, she barely managed to sidestep, give a sidekick to his leg then do a full backflip through the air, landing six meters from her original position.  
  
This sort of cut, parry, stab and retreat dance carried on for quite a while, each opponent looking for a hole in the other's defenses. Eventually, it was he who made a mistake, dropping his long sword from his guard position, leaving his upper body open for the killing blow. Noticing the hole, and eager for the fight to be over, she quickly stabbed forward at his neck and head hoping to kill him and be done with it.  
  
It was a little strange to her, though. Why would he drop his guard so easily, giving her an open avenue of attack? She was even more confused when she went for the jab to his throat; it appeared he had dropped his sword all together.  
  
She realized quickly what had happened, but not quick enough to stop what would happen next.  
  
From Xander's point of view, he was wetting himself (mentally, of course). He was very close to sudden death when all of a sudden he lowered and finally dropped his sword.  
  
* What, are you nuts? Pick the damn blade up! * He willed his body to defend him, but it was as unresponsive as ever.  
  
Then he, like the woman in front of him, saw it.  
  
He immediately dropped to one knee with all the speed he could muster, then reached out and grabbed her hand, her weariness allowing him to capture it easily. In one swift motion, he pushed her hand up then stabbed out with the short blade that had been hanging at his side since they charged into battle.  
  
* NO! * He screamed. He wasn't only killing a human, he was coldly murdering a Slayer, one of which was his best friend. It was against everything he believed in.  
  
Still, belief would not stop the blade as it crashed into the right side of her ribcage, penetrating the thin battle-armor she wore and ripped through flesh and bone, a torrent of blood exiting the wound.  
  
She fell to the long grass, her body making a quiet thud against the soft dirt, more blood pouring from the wound, a strange green tint to it. Thinking quickly, Xander realized that the blade he had just killed a Slayer with had not only wounded her fatally, but poisoned her as well, insuring that absolutely no recovery could be made once cut.  
  
His gaze traveled away from her dying body up to where the supposed general stood. Both had expressionless looks on their faces. When he looked past the green armor and helmet he knew where he had seen that face before, long golden locks trailing down the sides of her helmet . Tara.  
  
God had no amount of humor he would not subject Xander Harris to.  
  
Xander could tell his consciousness was fading as his vision blurred again. The most disturbing thing was that the only word he could think of as he stared at the Slayer's fallen corpse was - efficient.  
  
**************************************************************************** **********  
  
An overriding force of shock drove Xander to awake immediately and he shot up it bed, the morning sun burning the backs of his retinas. Blinking it away, he quickly turned over to find Anya gone. Panicking he jumped out of bed and ran naked out of his room and into the main space of his apartment, his heart beating a hundred times a second and sweat pouring off him.  
  
He heaved a huge sigh of relief when he saw that Anya was indeed alive and safe in the kitchen making some breakfast, smelling of sausages and bacon.  
  
He did a double take when he realized Tara was also in the room, apparently waiting for him.  
  
Anya turned around and spotted him, saying, "Xander, honey you're up. And naked."  
  
Tara faced with the sight of a stark naked and sweating Xander did the only thing a self-respecting lesbian could do. She looked a moment longer, then closed her eyes and tossed him a pillow from the couch to cover himself up with.  
  
Fighting its way to the surface, Xander's mind kicked in and did the only thing it could do: caught the flying pillow and attempted to cover himself with it.  
  
"I-I'm r-really s-sorry X-Xander." Tara managed to get out, ninety percent of it stutters, which was back in full force.  
  
"Hang on, I'm the one who should be apologizing, running in here half- cocked." He said, trying desperately to hide himself up the small pillow.  
  
Never to miss a golden opportunity, Anya chimed in; "It looked like a whole cock to me honey."  
  
"Now's not the time, sweetheart." Xander told his girlfriend.  
  
"U-uh, g-guys?" Tara said meekly, still facing the other way her eyes screwed shut.  
  
Realizing he should probably cover up, Xander ran back into the bedroom and quickly slung on a pair of boxers, some black jeans and a T-shirt before returning to the living room.  
  
"Tara, you can look now." Xander said.  
  
"O-Okay." She answered, turning around slowly as not to be surprised by his nakedness, although seeing a man naked for the first time certainly was a learning curve for her. Seeing him in normal clothes once more, she breathed a sigh of relief as he sat down next to her of the sofa.  
  
Anya quickly brought them over some food and Xander wolfed it down at a rate that surprised both women, devouring two fried eggs, four sausages, four slices of bacon and several pancakes by the time they had barely dug in.  
  
"Hungry sweetie?" Anya asked him in shock.  
  
"Yeah, starved. Any more? I'm still a bit hungry and all that sleeping made me tired." Xander replied, moving over to the kitchen to finish up the leftovers from the frying pan.  
  
When he sat back down again, Tara watched him for a moment then asked, "Bad dreams?"  
  
A little taken aback by her perception for a moment, he realized that if he had had some of these weird dreams, maybe she had as well.  
  
"Yeah, how did ya guess?" Xander asked her, curious for her answer.  
  
"Well, I just sensed a slight change in you aura that may indicate mental disturbances. That and you slept in really late, nightmares tend to do that."  
  
"Nightmares?" Anya asked, worry heavy in her voice, "Were there bunnies in Gestapo uniforms?"  
  
"No hun, just some generally bad horror movie stuff." He said, deep in thought about said dreams.  
  
"X-Xander?" Tara questioned him cautiously, "I c-could look at them maybe, try and figure out what they mean? I m-mean if you want we could do that?"  
  
"Can you really look at people's dreams? I heard that was a very rare gift." Anya asked, recalling some knowledge from her 1121 years of living.  
  
Blushing a bit, Tara said proudly, "I know it is, but my mom and grandmother taught it to me when I was young. I h-haven't done it for a while though, so I could be a bit r-rusty."  
  
"Yeah, yeah, comma definitely. That would be really helpful, thanks Tara." Xander said appreciatively.  
  
The three of them continued talking and eating for the better part of the hour and it was half past twelve by the time they were ready to go.  
  
"Bye Ahn. See ya later, 'kay?" Xander said.  
  
"Yeah, have fun sweetie. Don't have sex without me." Anya added tactlessly.  
  
Blushing intensely, Tara looked away from the two people in front of her and coughed nervously.  
  
"D-don't worry Anya. Gay, remember?" Tara said to calm Anya's boiling jealousy.  
  
"Okay. Bye anyway." She said, giving Xander a quick kiss and walked away.  
  
"It's always the quiet ones."  
  
**************************************************************************** **********  
  
Walking down the street outside his apartment, Xander and Tara were in a period of silence while each thought about the new implications of this connection between them.  
  
* Okay, so we need to find out what this is. Well, Sister Mary always said she could help with these kinds of phenomenon.* Tara pondered to herself.  
  
"Who's Sister Mary?" he said out loud, without realizing he had read her thoughts by accident.  
  
"She's this great witch healer from. oh dear. You did it again." Tara said, a little upset that he could skim her mind so easily.  
  
"Sorry, sorry, dammit! This is going to get plain annoying eventually. I don't mean your thoughts are annoying but, this is very confusing." He admitted to her, and she nodded her agreement.  
  
"Well, and totally not intruding here," he said stressing by raising his hands in mock defense, "but who is Sister Mary? Is she a nun or something?"  
  
"No, not a nun. She's an experienced Wiccan priestess, who is versed in many magical arts and has incredible sensory perceptions. She can often see things we cannot, bonds between people, and supposedly into the future, although I-I've never seen her do the last one." Tara explained to Xander, who carefully absorbed this.  
  
"Sounds like a plan." He said cheerfully. " Where does she live? In town or are we talking a mud hut in the middle of a swamp?"  
  
"Don't be silly. Just because she's a witch doesn't mean any of those old legends apply. D-Do you see me with a wart on my nose, f-flying around on a broomstick?" Tara told him, deflecting his comments.  
  
"No, quite the opposite in fact. You see, I was actually drawing a comparison between your witch-mentor gal and the great Jedi Master Yoda, famed for his perceptive abilities and muddy hovel in the swamp." Xander said, smiling all the way as he rattled off some of his endless pop culture knowledge.  
  
"I'm more of a Princess Leia kinda girl actually. She was my first real fantasy woman." Tara admitted, shocking Xander a little.  
  
"If I may say so, a fine choice. Although I'd have to say that Amidala is much hotter nowadays." Xander added.  
  
Smiling for a moment, Tara quickly shook her head, and said, " We're getting a bit of topic here, Xander."  
  
"Ah, what the heck? We got the rest of the day, and I still haven't heard all your fantasies and the various woman involved in them." He said gleefully.  
  
"Are you f-flirting with me?" She said, keeping the mood light.  
  
"Quite possibly. What would you say if I asked you to accompany me to the Espresso Pump?" He asked hopefully.  
  
"I think I'd say 'triple espresso and a slice of fudge cake please'."  
  
"Good God woman, whatever happened to 'thy body is thy temple'?" He asked in mock surprise.  
  
"First, I have a temple at home, with candles, incense and statues. Second, I'm addicted, so d-don't argue."  
  
"Yes, ma'am."  
  
**************************************************************************** **********  
  
Sitting down at the furthest table from the counter, overlooking the street, Tara looked out across the half-empty café at Xander, getting their order of coffee and various foods. While this new friendship with him caught her completely unawares, it was nice to have a friend who didn't have supernatural abilities, or was a woman. It was quite easy to get caught up in a conversation and end up talking for hours, and it was now quite apparent where Willow had inherited her babbling from: trying to keep up with Xander.  
  
* Although the amount of food he eats is unnatural. * She thought humorously as she noticed him walking back over to their table with a tray holding two cups of coffee, one large slice of triple fudge cake for her, two large iced buns and two sandwiches for him.  
  
Once he had distributed the food and drink, he carried on their original topic of discussion, "So, funniness and sexual fantasies aside, where does this witch-master live?" He asked, trying to maintain a serious level of talking.  
  
"She lives at a grove in a small town called Haventon, about twenty-five minutes drive from here. I've already called ahead so she'll be expecting us in about an hour or so. Once you finished eating, we can go." Tara explained. Strangely, she had much less of a problem with confidence when speaking with him then normally with other people's friends, especially guys.  
  
* Considering all the time we've spent together recently, and in the Scooby Gang, I suppose we are real friends now. * Tara pondered, staring off into the distance.  
  
"Heeelllo? Tara? Wake up." He said.  
  
When she came back from her daydream, she asked, "Xander? A-Are we f- friends, now? I mean apart from me being Willow's girlfriend and you being Willow's b-best friend?" She asked a little insecurely.  
  
"Of course we are, in a true friend capacity. Why? Am I freaking you out or something?"  
  
"N-No! Definitely not. But I've just realized that you're my first real guy friend." She said, relieved.  
  
"Well, I have to say, I'm honored. But enough of this idle chatter," He said, stuffing the last piece of a sandwich into his mouth. He continued in a garbled super-hero voice, "there's work to be done!"  
  
Exiting the shop, they walked casually to the other side of the pavement and hopped into Xander's car, staring the engine and beginning their trip to Haventon.  
  
**************************************************************************** **********  
  
Driving down the highway towards Haventon, both companions in the car were enjoying a comfortable silence; Xander was immersed in the music pouring from the radio and his own incessant whistling, while Tara was thinking quietly to herself. It had been far too long since she had been to see Sister Mary or any of her circles of magically inclined friends. Unfortunately, most of them were back in North Carolina with the rest of her family, but Sister Mary was still one of the only people she could fully trust in magical terms. She was also one of the reasons she had chosen UC Sunnydale as a university.  
  
* Willow's been getting a bit ahead of herself lately. All those black magic transformations and energy spells can't be doing her any good; maybe I should try and talk to her when I get back. Teach her some of my white magicks. * Tara pondered  
  
She suddenly realized that in all her time with Willow, she had wanted to keep Sister Mary a secret from her. But within a few months of meeting Xander, she was already taking him without a second thought or any alternative options being discussed.  
  
Thinking back to the first time that she had been taken to see Mary, Tara drifted off into her memories.  
  
She stumbled out of the old red car her mother owned, clinging to her like a limpet. It wasn't often she got to go for a trip away from home, and this was the first time she had left North Carolina. The old house in front of her stood tall, grey stone and white wash colouring the walls and earthy moss covering the tiled roof. All around the house were trees, a whole forest of them, backing onto the house and it almost seemed like the house was were the trees started growing.  
  
Reaching the oaken front door, her mother crouched next to her, smiling and said, "Okay Tara, now I want you to be on your best behavior. Sister Mary is a very old friend of mine and I don't want you to be naughty while we're here, but it's okay to use your gifts. Mary's very good at using those. Just remember not to use your magics at home again dear. You know how cross daddy gets." Her mother said in a warm voice, easily quelling Tara's fear for the present.  
  
Knocking on the door, it slowly opened to reveal an older woman with dark brown hair, covered in flowing dress. Exchanging a few pleasant greeting with her mother, she invited them in to her house. The interior of the house was not like any other Tara had seen. Instead of family pictures, clocks and ornaments that decorated Tara's house, this one was filled with plants of all shapes and sizes. The walls were a dark green colour, mimicking its natural surroundings. Although she could be sure, Tara thought she saw the plant move when she approached, as if to acknowledge her.  
  
Walking over to them, Mary approached Tara and softly said, "Hello Tara. My name is Sister Mary, a friend of you mom's."'  
  
Pausing for a few seconds, Tara looked up sheepishly and asked, " A-Are you a n-nun?"  
  
Making a small laugh, the older witch turned to her and said, "No Tara, I'm not a nun. I'm a priestess of Wicca, the big boss woman. Would you like to see some magic? I'm told you're quite good."  
  
"N-N-No, n-not really, Mom's good t-though." The small girl said, pointing at her mother.  
  
"I know she is dear. Would you might if I showed you some magic?"  
  
Reveling in the chance to practice her forbidden gifts, Tara giggled then took the older woman's hand a followed her into the back garden.  
  
They practiced magic there for the rest of the day; Tara's small power nurtured by the two experienced witches, blossoming into much more than she could have learned by herself. Finally after a few days at Mary's house, they had to go home. Before they left, Sister Mary gave Tara one final piece of advice.  
  
"With great power comes great responsibility."  
  
Breaking out of her reverie now that Xander had turned the radio off, she remembered that last warning she had received from Mary, and muttered it to herself, "With great power comes great responsibility."  
  
Hearing this phrase, Xander turned to her and said, "Never figured you for a comic book nut, Tara. You a fan of Spiderman then?"  
  
"W-What? I've never really read any comics, apart from X-Men. I like Rogue." She said, confused by his questions, "Why do you ask?"  
  
" 'With great power comes great responsibility'. It's one of Spiderman's main mottoes. Why, did you get it from some where else?" He replied, as confused as her now.  
  
"Oh. Sister Mary told it to me the first time I came here. It's the warning for all magic-users to take responsibility for your actions and balance your wrongs. Like karma." She finally explained.  
  
"Are you sure? Did you ever notice, oh, I don't know, lots of web and a red latex suit in her house?" He quipped, raising his eyebrows questioningly, a grin plastered on his face.  
  
Laughing, she smiled at him and said, " Is there any fact of life you can't turn into a joke or pickup line?"  
  
"Hmm. Math, too many numbers involved." He said, then realized where they were and said, "Ahah. Here were are, Haventon. Is that her house?" He asked, pointing to the old stone house at the edge of the encroaching forest on the west of town.  
  
"Yeah, that's it."  
  
Bringing the car down the drive, Xander parked it close to the house then they got out and approached the old building. They reached the front door and knocked on it, making dull thuds on the heavy oak. When they received no reply, Tara said to Xander, "This isn't normal. Usually she's at the door even before you've knocked on it. Maybe she's meditating."  
  
As soon as she had spoken these words the door creaked open slowly, but instead of the elder witch they were expecting to see, a large green tentacle opened the door and pointed further into the house, directing them. Following its directions, they walked down the hallway, the various plants bending in the direction they had to go, watching their every move. When they finally reached their destination, it turned out to be a large greenhouse at the back of the property.  
  
Opening the door carefully, Tara walked into the room, caution in her every step. When they finally found the older witch however, the only thing they could do was gasp in shock.  
  
**************************************************************************** ********** 


	4. Grim Reality

Title: Destiny Means Nothing (4/?)  
Author: White Knight_7  
E-mail: wknight_7@yahoo.co.uk  
Distribution: Anywhere pretty much, just tell me about it so I know where it's going.  
  
Pairing: Xander/Tara  
  
Spoilers: Season 4-5, if any of Season 6 is mentioned, it will probably be AU.  
  
Rating: 12, maybe a 15 (For US readers, I think that confers to a PG-13 or PG-15)  
  
Summary: After a brush with death, Xander ends up rethinking his place in the Scooby Gang, and his relationship with a certain shy witch...  
  
Feedback: Yes please, this is my first real attempt at fanfic and so any ideas you have are welcomed as long as they are constructive.  
  
Author's Notes: This is set after the first episode of Season Five. Basically that means that Dawn is around and every one except Xander, Giles and Anya have just started the new college year. This is not an overtly bashing piece but as always if you want to create an unconventional pairing there might be some friction. Also, this is NOT a 'Xander gets a power and the author completely change the character' story. There's something special about him no doubt, just no real powers involved. B/S shippers, PISS OFF MATE!  
  
Due to some suggestions by readers, and my beta Kaz, I shall display some grammatical aids.  
  
"" = Speech  
  
** = Thoughts/Telepathy  
  
Italics = Memories  
  
Disclaimer: What idiot invented this thing anyway? Here goes. I don't own any of these characters, I'm just altering certain events in the Buffy the Vampire Slayer universe for my own benefit, to bolster the MEAGER T/X reservoir out there and show everyone what Joss should have paired people up with.  
The large greenhouse was filled with plant life of all shapes and sizes, criss-crossing each other in a tangled web. In the center of that web sat Sister Mary, like a spider waiting for its prey. The plants seemed to be an almost physical extension of her body, moving in time with her breathing and the blood pumping through her veins. On closer inspection, and to the utter shock the two young people before her, this connection between the plants and her was physical.   
  
At several locations across her body, the green stalks and branches actually melded with her, connecting to her skin perfectly with only a slight green hue around the entry points. While her human eyes remained shut, the plants attached to her took in scents and carbon dioxide from the air via soft green pads and released the waste gases through the top of the building. Thinner roots extended from the bottom of the plants in vats of water and nutrient suspensions, feeding the priestess.   
  
Seeing this odd mixture of plants and human, Xander did what came to him naturally, and walked towards the witch, intent on removing the plants by force. Before he could get more than two feet forwards, he felt Tara's hand grip his shoulder tightly.   
  
"Don't, Xander. She's in a very fragile state right now. If you t-try and interfere you'll seriously damage her, she'll n-never recover." She explained this quickly, and Xander stooped and turned to face her.   
  
"What are you talking about? That is definitely not natural, she must be in agony!" He said flustered as to why his friend would stop him from helping someone.  
  
"N-No Xander, it's completely natural, that's the point." Tara tried to reason with him, "Sister Mary is well-known for her, uh, connection to nature. At the moment she's just more c-connected than normal. She's definitely not in any pain, I'm sure."  
  
Accepting Tara's explanation, Xander stood back and looked at the being before him warily, when suddenly she spoke through her human mouth and said in a reverberated voice,  
  
"Hello Tara. I'm glad you were able to come and see me again so soon. I'm sorry for being in such an inhospitable state at the moment, but I had no idea you were coming. Give me a few minutes to disentangle myself, dear."  
  
As promised, the priestess slowly went about the process of disconnecting herself from the creatures in her green house, the roots and tendrils leaving her body seamlessly and with no apparent pain. Once she had collected herself, she stood up to her full height and approached them, quickly embracing Tara in a hug.  
  
"Now that's done, would you mind introducing me to this young gentleman you've brought with you? Is he a wizard?" Sister Mary queried the younger witch.  
  
"N-No, Mary, Xander's d-definitely not a wizard. But we do need your help with a problem." Tara explained.  
  
"Well then, you two had better come with me for a cup of tea inside to discuss your ... problem."  
  
*********************************************************************************************************************************************  
  
Once they had all taken seats in Mary's living room, she continued their previous conversation. Looking at the pair of them sitting together on her sofa gave her an odd impression of unity; they seemed very relaxed in each others company. She could sense that Tara's powers had grown a lot recently, probably from practice and interaction with another witch or magic-user. Delving deeper into their auras, she saw a swirling pattern of colours before her: Tara's aura was a peaceful collection of mottled greens and blues, indicating her natural connection to magic and the earth, much brightly than when the young witch had come to visit her all those years ago. Casting her gaze onto Xander's aura was strange to say the least: his aura was not dominated by any one colour in particular; instead it was a mixture of red (for rage and power), a strong cloud of bright white (for goodness and right) but an almost equal cloud of blackness (for evil and destruction). The best description for him was undecided, which was quite strange.  
  
Normally a person could have some general class put on them by an aura reading, or at least an alignment toward good, evil or neutrality. He couldn't be called neutral due to his content of strong good and evil, so what was he?  
  
"Xander, may I ask what you do with your life?" Mary said, startling the young man a little.  
  
"Uh, how will that help? I mean can't you just sort it out magically, what does my life have to do with it?" He replied somewhat defensively to her question.  
  
"Well, I can't give you a simple magical remedy; I can't read you like I can the others. By getting details of how you've lived I can tell with path you may be on." Sister Mary explained.  
  
Shifting uncomfortably in his seat, the young man fixed his eyes firmly on the floor for a few moments, and then spoke up.  
  
"Not much to tell really, I lived with my mom and dad till the end of high school. Moved into my own apartment with my girlfriend, a little while ago after having to pay rent in my parents' basement. I work in construction, pay's good and I spend too much time in cemeteries." He scratched at his neck lightly, reminding himself of the last fact.  
  
"I hate coming off as some cheesy psychologist, but could you tell me about your parents?" The elder Wicca asked.  
  
"Sorry, nothing to talk about." Xander cut her off quickly, earning a confused look from Tara.  
Moving her chair closer to the two of them, Mary asked Xander softly, "Xander, did your parents ever hit you, treat you badly?"   
  
She was almost expecting him to break down sobbing, lamenting his harsh life-style; or get angry and scream his guts out. She didn't expect him to answer her in such a calm tone.   
  
"Only when I did something wrong."  
  
Hearing this admission, Tara began thinking back through all the time she had known her friend, for any reference or signal that this might have happened. But she could find none, either from her own memories or when she had asked Willow about Xander.  
  
"Willow, t-tell me about Xander."  
  
"What! Why do you want to know about him? Has he said anything?" Willow babbled quickly, confused by her girlfriend's intentions.  
  
"N-N-No. I just wanted to know something about him, you know, since he's like your oldest friend. Like what makes him tick?"  
  
"O-Okay. Didn't mean to freak out, just not quite ready to come out to him yet. Well, we've known each other since kindergarten, he's always looked out for me and we formed the 'We Hate Cordelia Chase' Club. He was the treasurer until he broke the first rule: smooching with the enemy."  
  
Although Willow was trying to be serious, Tara couldn't help it and started giggling to herself, causing Willow to kiss her lover quiet. After they were finished, Tara spoke up again,  
  
"W-What about his parents, have you seen them much before? I'm not trying to pry or anything."   
  
"That's a bit of a sensitive subject, I don't know why but he just clams up when they're mentioned. I think he doesn't get on with them too well. Hello, rent-paying in his own basement?" She said, ever confused by the odd relationship between Xander's parents and himself.   
  
"Oh, yeah. Were they ever, you know, m-mean to him?" Tara asked, the last psych class with Professor Walsh burned into the back of her mind, discussing abusive relationships.  
  
"Oh, of course not. Xander's just a bit, you know, soft, doesn't like to fuss."  
  
Suddenly it all clicked into place. The long and baggy clothes used to hide 'bumps and bruises', his clingy nature towards Joyce and Willow, the constant joking about his family. None of them would ever suspect it because his nature was so constant and unchangeable no one bothered to look beneath the surface.  
  
"Xander, have your parents hit you recently?" Sister Mary's continued questioning snapped Tara out of her memories.  
  
"N-no. Except when I came back to Sunnydale. But that was m-my fault, they thought I had gone for good. I misbehaved."  
  
Never in the short time she had known Xander had he ever stuttered. Ever. He was always so sure of himself, never letting any evil or problem get him down, even when it should. Tara had the feeling that he was on and emotional knife-edge, ready to go one way or the other.  
  
"You know what, screw it, I'm going for a walk." He said, walking towards the front door.  
  
"I'd better follow him, make sure he's alright." Tara said, excusing herself from their conversation.  
  
Exiting the house, she quickly saw Xander walking down the path away from the house. He eventually propped himself up against his car and exhaled a long breath, as if trying to blow away his worries. Approaching her friend tentatively, Tara tried not to look like she was trying to force him to confess anything.  
  
"You don't have to baby-sit me you know, I'm sure you and Mary have lots of catching up to do." He said, depression weighting his words.  
  
"I'm n-not trying to crowd you Xand, but this is pretty big stuff." She told him gently.  
  
Suddenly his eyes locked onto hers, a realization kicking in, "Don't tell the others. I wouldn't want them treating me different just because you know."   
  
Stuttering momentarily, Tara quickly reassured him, "D-don't worry, I w-won't. This is very private, no one has to know if you don't w-want them to."  
  
Smiling for a second, Xander responded, "You stutter when you're nervous. It's very cute."  
  
"U-uh, t-thanks." She said, and then proceeded to stare at the floor, blushing.  
  
Waving his hand up and down her form, he added, "I rest my case."  
  
They sat there for several minutes in comfortable silence, each thinking back into their respective pasts. Although Xander never really wanted anyone to find out about what happened behind the closed doors of his family home, there was a certain freedom brought on by Tara's knowledge of that fact. It was also a bonus that she had not exploded in righteous and "understanding" fury as some of his other friends would have.   
  
"We cool?" Xander said, breaking the long silence.  
  
"C-Cool." She replied, causing Xander to lean over and embrace her in a quick shoulder hug.  
  
"Sometimes I think that my real life started the day I escaped that house." He said openly, needing to vent all that he could in this short period of sanity before returning to the Hellmouth.  
  
"I m-might know something a-about that." Tara confessed quietly, once again finding the dirt road infinitely interesting.  
  
A little taken aback by what she was alluding to, Xander quickly stood in front of her and forced her to meet his gaze, asking,  
  
"Wait, have your family ever… been mean to you, like I was talking about before?"  
  
"N-No, I mean, well, sort of." She managed to say.  
  
Staring into her eyes intently, Xander waited for her to carry on at her own pace.  
  
"M-My family has always been quite strict. My dad never liked me talking about magic whenever he was around, and sometimes he'd get Donny, my brother, to spy on me. If he thought I was going too far into the 'devil's work' then he'd p-p-punish m-me." She said, her voice hitching towards the end as she stemmed her own emotions.  
  
"I l-lived on a farm, and we bred a lot of horses. So if I was bad, my father w-would get this riding crop   
a-a-and …" She trailed off as she softly began to sob against her friend.  
  
Consoling each other with "that's terrible" and "I'm so sorry for you" wasn't really feasible in this situation, so instead Xander tried to relay some of his experiences.  
  
"It was either my Mom or my Dad that punished me, although I think Mom just did it when Dad had taken it out on her. Mostly he just used his fists, sometimes an old piece of skirting board. Never went for the face though."  
  
Although what they discussed would probably convince a psychologist they were severely abused, the fact that both of them had been through similar ordeals and survived gave each other hope, and they eventually ended up giggling.  
  
"Oh my God, how screwed up are we!" Xander said, wiping away a few stray tears with one hand.  
  
"V-Very, we n-need serious help. And I was the one supposed to be helping you here." Tara replied, rearranging herself as well.  
  
"The point is that we can at least talk about it to someone. Thanks." Xander said.  
  
"Don't mention it."  
  
They eventually began walking back to the house in a resumed comfortable silence, until Xander stated coldly,  
  
"If I ever see your father, I'm going to put the fear of God into him."  
  
Neither agreeing nor stopping him, Tara walked calmly back into the house, and rejoined Sister Mary who was as they had left her.  
  
"I'm glad to see you two were able to vent some of your problems" She noted, taking in the tear tracks on Tara's face, "is it okay if we continue?"  
  
"Sure." Xander said, sitting down on the couch again, albeit a little closer to Tara than before, which was not unnoticed by Mary.  
  
"Alright, now down to the occurrences of these insights. When did they happen and what exactly was shared?" Mary asked.  
  
"Well, what about in the park when I was being bitten. I swore I could hear you then." Xander ventured.  
  
"Yeah. In the hospital, when I asked you to wake up in my mind, you did." Tara continued as the pattern increased.  
  
"Actually, I'm pretty positive about the last one. I had a VERY strange dream while I was under. You were there too."   
  
"What happened in the dream?" Mary queried the young man.  
  
Taking a deep breath, he thought back to his mini coma episode, and at all the strange things that had happened in it.  
  
"Well, I was in a forest with some soldiers, and then I remember a lot of battles and things, nothing specific though. Then I was surrounded by darkness, and then I appeared in the Magic Box."  
  
"Uh, what's the Magic Box?" Sister Mary asked.   
  
"It's a magic shop that a friend of ours runs in Sunnydale." Tara offered.  
  
"Okay then, what happened in the shop then, Xander?"  
  
"Pretty much all my friends were lying dead on the floor. Except Tara. It was very Twilght Zoney because everything but her was in black and white, but Tara was in 100% Technicolour."  
  
"Very strange." Mary commented, spinning a golden nibbed pen in her hand with which she was taking notes on their situation.   
  
"Have there been many other incidents of this telepathic communication?"  
  
"One or two, mostly just in casual conversation. One of us will just absently pick up the other's thoughts and blurt them out without thinking. It can get a little awkward." Xander explained, smiling at Tara as he finished, remembering his attempt at reverse psychology over their connection.  
  
Tara smacked his arm playfully, guessing what he was thinking about by the look on his face, then watched as the elder witch thought over the facts presented to her, twirling her pen in one hand.  
  
"This is very interesting," she said, reminding Xander of Giles when he was deep into demon-research. "And although I can't be sure exactly what's happened, I believe a Rite of Fellowship should at least give us something to work on."  
  
"What's that do?" Xander asked.  
  
Before Mary could answer, Tara blurted out excitedly, "Oooh, I know. I-It sees the bonds between people and is often used to solve magical curses."   
  
"Ah, exactly. Thank you, Tara." Mary finished.  
  
"S-Sorry, it's just that Willow and I were reading one of the older Wiccan books last week, a-all the knowledge is still fresh." Tara explained.  
  
"That's okay. It's good to know that the traditions are being passed on to younger witches. I'll just go get a few things then we can do the ritual upstairs." Mary said, and then walked through a large oaken door into what appeared to be a library.  
  
"So," Xander said, "what does this spell thing involve?"  
  
"Just a few blessings from a priestess, some stinky herbs, candles; just general witchy stuff." Tara told him.  
  
"Okay. But I gotta warn you that my past experience with spells tends to go very haywire, with a lot of bad consequences." He warned her mildly.  
  
"Why, what happened?" Tara asked, interested in his magical experiences.  
  
"Well, one time I blackmailed this witch Amy into casting a love spell on my ex, Cordelia, after she dumped me the first time." Xander told her.  
  
"What w-went wrong?"  
  
"Well, Amy was only an amateur witch herself and cast the spell wrong. We used a necklace I had given Cordy for Valentine's Day, but it gave her immunity to the spell instead of targeting her. The problem was that it affected all the other women in Sunnydale, including Buffy's mom."  
  
Laughing like a hyena, Tara asked him, "What about Willow and B-Buffy?"  
  
"Oh, they were the worst. Willow waited in my bedroom wearing only one of my shirts and started nibbling on my earlobe." He elaborated.  
  
"Oh, she never mentioned that."   
  
"I can guess why. Willow used to be into me in a big way. I'm not trying to boast about the way she felt about me, but she was really hurt by that spell. I've tried to avoid magic ever since." Xander said, a little saddened by how Willow had reacted to his act of revenge on his ex.  
  
"Buffy was probably worse, but it wasn't as hurtful to her personally. I even got some credit for my restraint."  
  
"Uh, restraint?"   
  
"Well, let's just say that Buffy was more forward in her affections. She turned up in the library wearing nothing but a black leather raincoat, and begged me to undress her."  
  
"Wow, t-that's, well, wow. Weren't you a b-bit tempted? I mean she's a very attractive woman." Tara said.  
  
"Yeah, I cannot stress that enough. I really wanted to, but I knew she'd hate me later on. Why, do you think she's attractive?"  
  
"She's a very beautiful woman, sure, but definitely not my type. I like smarts over brawn any day, and she certainly has a lot of that. Not that I'm saying she's stupid or anything…"  
  
"I know. She tends to just think with her fists instead of her head." Xander added.  
  
Their conversation was interrupted when Mary came back into the living room, armed with several books and bags for the spell. Beckoning them up the stairs, she led them into a room near the top of the house. It was quite similar to the greenhouse in the myriad of plants occupying it, except that this appeared to be more of a library cum laboratory.   
  
Mary then began drawing out patterns on the floor with finely divided red sand, two large circles with chalk markings in the center and one smaller one between them.  
  
"Come, sit down here." Mary pointed two the two larger circles on the floor, and took her position at the mid point.  
  
"Now I'm going to act as a kind of psychic detector and I'll regulate the communication between the two of you. Okay, let's begin."  
  
Tara and Xander took their positions on the floor, sitting cross-legged facing one another. Mary closed her eyes and begun chanting in a strange language for about a minute, until a faint blue haze descended around them.  
  
"Good, we've established the spell. Now I want you both to take turns trying to speak to me, then to each other." The older witch instructed them.  
  
*Uh, hello Mary. Are you receiving me?* Xander attempted to communicate with her.  
  
Tara attempted the same with identical results, so she then tried talking with Xander as she had done before.   
  
*Xander, can you hear me?*  
  
*Yeah, I hear ya. Weird, huh?*  
  
*Very. I wonder if we'll be able to talk like this outside of the spell eventually?*  
  
*I don't know, would things get weird between us if we did?*  
  
*It's hard to say but I would assume we would be able to gain some control over it. You know, stopping embarrassing secrets from slipping out.*  
  
*cough*  
  
*Now let's not get back into that visual place again, Alexander.*  
  
*Oooh, very domineering. You know only my mother calls me that, and only when she's trying to get me to pass another bottle of JD.*  
  
*Well parents aside, I kind of like it, very strong. Suits you.*  
  
*Thanks. Maybe you could use it when we speak like this so I know if you're speaking normally or not.*  
  
*Sure … Alex.*  
  
At once they felt the near tangible connection between them sever, and both felt an immediate sense of loss. Snapping back out of her trance Mary rose to her feet, Xander and Tara doing the same.  
  
"So what's up, Doc?" Xander joked quickly.  
  
"As far as I can tell, you both have a strong telepathic connection. Although you cannot directly speak now, this ability and some control will emerge over time. In relation to your dreams, I have never heard of the kind you are experiencing Xander. I expect that Tara will have her own similar experiences soon, although I cannot imagine how you are actually getting them." Mary explained her conclusions to the pair.  
  
"The only possible explanation would be that you are somehow viewing past lives, maybe not necessarily of yourselves but perhaps of people of a similar bloodline, bond or some such. As I say, this phenomenon has never been documented as far as I can recall. You two are quite unique."   
  
"This isn't the part where soldiers hold us at gunpoint while you cut us open and find out why this is happening, is it?" Xander queried.  
  
Letting out a small laugh, Mary replied, "No, definitely not. Why would you think that?"  
  
"Sorry, we've got some bad experiences with government types and their interests, often involving scalpels and needles. Yuck."  
  
"No, I try and steer away from surgery whenever possible. Regarding your situation, I can only suggest you give it time and come back and see me if any more developments pop up. I'd love to stay and chat with you but I have to go and see a friend in LA concerning use of some black magic in one of her groups." Sister Mary said.  
  
"I-It was great to see you again Mary." Tara said, sharing a hug with her mentor.  
  
"It was nice to see you as well, Tara, along with yourself, Xander. You have given me many interesting possibilities to consider. I hope I'm able to see you soon." She said, exchanging a gentle handshake with the young man and bidding him a safe journey.  
  
************************************************************************************  
  
"So, what did you think of Sister Mary?" Tara asked him.  
  
"Very smart gal, reminded me a bit of Giles," he said. After Tara's withering look, he added, "in the bookish, intelligent way? Jeez Tar, what did you think I meant?"  
  
"Oh nothing, I just like to see you squirm under p-pressure." Tara grinned smugly.  
  
"You're evil. I like that in a woman." He joked.  
  
The rest of the car journey back to Sunnydale continued much in the same manner, both people exchanging verbal jabs, just a hint of flirting in their banter. The lights of Sunnydale lit up the evening sky with a dull glow as they neared the town's outer limits when their lateness suddenly became apparent to Tara.   
  
"Oh Goddess, we've been gone all day! I never even realized how l-long we were at M-Mary's! What a-are we going to tell the others?" She asked worriedly, not really wanting to lie to their friends about where they had been.  
  
"Crap, I never noticed what time it was either. Well, I guess we say that you needed a lift to a specialist library out of town. I needed to go see my Cousin Eric, hence the tardiness." He said calmly, getting a little too smooth with his lies through years of training.  
  
"I-I suppose, but do w-we have to? I mean this whole telepathy and past lives stuff wouldn't f-freak them out, would it?"  
  
"They may be used to it, but I know for a fact that Willow would never allow me within one hundred yards of you again. She's a little insecure like that; there was one time in senior year when Buffy got this whole telepathy gig from a demon. It allowed her to read everyone's thoughts, including Oz, which freaked her out totally." Xander said, reminiscing again to his high school life.  
  
"I think its best that we keep this between ourselves, just until we figure out more. But we'll still need to go into major research mode, look for past instances, similar cases. Just like demon research but without the ugly pictures."   
  
"'Kay. Just wanted to be sure. You know them much better than me anyway." Tara said quietly.  
  
"Hey, just because I happen to have been hovering around them for a few more years doesn't make you any less a part of the group. You're much smarter than me, you know magic …" He said before Tara stopped him.  
  
"Xander…" She said, waiting for him to be quiet, "Thanks."  
  
**************************************************************************************   
  
Back in her house, Mary collected all her various books, papers she would need for her trip to LA. Loading all of this into her aging minivan, she set soon left the dirt track and turned onto the main road. Little to her knowledge, a black robed figure rose from his previous position, nestled in the bushes about a hundred meters from Mary's home.   
  
He brought a pair of metallic night-vision goggles to his eyes, adjusting them as she moved off into the distance.  
  
"Shadow Lead, this is Shadow Seven. Target is leaving her home now." The figure spoke into the receiver attached to his forearm.  
  
"Good Shadow Seven, follow her to her destination then call for further details. Out." The computer generated voice replied, causing the agent to quickly get into a parked car nearby.  
  
Gunning the engine, he followed the witch's dimming taillights into the night.  
  
**************************************************************************************  
  
The car pulled to a halt outside of the UC Sunnydale dormitories, avoiding the many students about to go out for the night. Tara got out of the car and turned to her friend to say goodbye for the night.  
  
"Night, Xander. We'll talk tomorrow about sorting out some sort of research database about … our c-condition, 'kay?" She said to her friend, eager to get on with the actual paper she was supposed to do for tomorrow.  
  
" 'Kay. See ya tomorrow then Tara. Bye." He said  
  
"Bye."  
  
Starting the car back up again, he quickly resumed his course to the Magic Box, where his girlfriend would undoubtedly be counting up the day's takings. While it was still awkward to deal with his new ability, and the obvious problems it brought up, it was good to know that he wasn't alone in this one. Being able to discuss his "other" problems with someone had also been very relieving, but hearing about his friend's past pain ignited the fire of hate for Tara's family. If they ever came to Sunnydale he would be sure to give them a very warm welcome indeed.  
  
This anger was still brimming inside of him when he stopped at the red lights, and by chance looked over to the other side of the street. He observed the scene before him; a young woman running away from two large men towards an alley. The conclusion: vampires.   
  
*Why do they always run down an alley? What about the nice, well lit street where your body can't be conveniently hidden and drained? Why me? All I want to do is go and see my girlf …*   
  
The honk of the car behind him broke him out of his thought process, so he went passed the lights then did a sloppy u-turn in the street, stopping on the other side. Opening the glove compartment he retrieved his emergency cross and stake, fitting them both into his belt. Getting out of the car and locking it quickly, he took off down the alley in the hope that the vampires had not drained their victim yet.  
  
Once he had got near the end of the alley, he saw the two supposed vampires, their victim cowering against the slimy wall of a nearby building. Sneaking up behind them, Xander drew his stake and prepared to strike.  
  
"Look honey, you promised me and my friend a good time and that's what we're going to get. Now just come quietly with us or else." One of the attackers said, intimidation thick in his voice.  
  
Looking up with more courage than she should in this situation, the lithe brunette said softly,  
  
"Or else w…"   
  
She was cut off by the loud cracking sound from the first of the men, a shaft of wood protruding from his chest. Behind him, Xander quickly pulled the stake out and turned towards the second man, who looked positively shocked.  
  
"What the fuck are you doing asshole?" He screamed, launching a haymaker at Xander face.  
  
Stepping back from the man down the alley, Xander managed to dodge another punch before one caught him.   
  
Feeling the strike, Xander was almost surprised, *Wow this vamp hits like a woman. I thought I would be at the other end of the alley by now.*  
  
Pushed on by this sloppy strike Xander struck back with two heavy punches to the stomach then one to his head. Crashing into a dumpster, the man tried to raise his hands in a feeble defense before Xander smashed the stake through his chest, ending his life.  
  
Momentarily proud of himself, he quickly surveyed the scene before him, when several things started to seem very wrong. First, the brunette he saved was grinning at him like a madwoman, not shocked at all by the dusting of two vampires in front of her.   
  
Then her face turned into that of a vampire.  
  
Realization sunk in like a bullet to the brain. Looking down at his feet, he saw not two neat piles of vampire dust but two dead corpses, shock and disbelief written on their cold faces. Glancing down at his stake, it was smeared with warm red blood rather than specks of vampire dust he would normally brush off.  
  
"I must say boy, I've never been saved from two snacks by a wannabe hunter before. Forget to check for a pulse this time?" She said, her laughter reflecting the cold truth of what he'd just done.  
  
He had just saved a girl from two monstrous vampires.  
  
No…  
  
He had just saved a monstrous vampire from two innocent people looking for a good time.  
  
His moral compass did a full about turn, and then snapped.  
  
Not as interested in the deaths of two would-be victims, the vampire kicked up from her sitting position and smashed him straight in the face with a right cross that knocked him halfway down the alley and onto his back. His body told him that he was in trouble, that his nose was broken, and that he should run as fast as possible in the other direction.  
  
The guilt of killing two unarmed men would be crushing most people by now, but strangely Xander felt nothing. After the initial shock, his face (after being hit violently) became a mask of calm, and cold fury ruled his mind.  
  
Rolling backwards, he avoided a powerful axe kick that would probably have collapsed his rib cage, and stood up awkwardly. Looking around, his hands grasped around a thin metal pipe bringing it out in front of him like a shield.   
  
A sense of familiarity fell over him as he brandished the weapon before him, as though he had done so all his life. Shifting his grip, he switched into an aggressive stance and swung a wide arc at the vampire's mid-section which she barely jumped back from. The momentum of the fight changed and Xander pushed forward executing swipes and jabs with a practiced ease, each one a little bit closer to his target.   
  
Unable to get out of the way of her savior-victim-attacker, she changed tempo and just ran at him, hoping to throw him off balance. Despite his wounds, Xander managed to react quickly, stepping sideways and smashing half the length of the pipe into the back of her skull, a shriek indicating his success. He then swung the improvised weapon at the back of her knees, toppling her to the ground.  
  
"Metal won't kill me boy or are you more incompetent than I thought." She taunted hoping to get him to look for his fallen stake and buy her some time.  
  
"Maybe not…" he said coldly, before ramming the entire length of the pipe just above her ribcage, cutting through nerves, tissue and spinal cord in the process.   
  
"…but this'll do."  
  
As he hoped, this strike left her temporarily powerless as even a vampire cannot function with a broken neck. Not bothering to go back for a stake he ripped a chunk of wood off the side of a crate, covering his hand in splinters. The blow to her heart from this weapon unceremoniously ended her life.  
  
Stepping back from the scene, he saw the two dead men, the pile of dust that made up their would-be killer and the stake that had actually killed them. The irony of the situation was not lost on him. As in his dreams, Xander's largest worry was not the death of his victims but the fact he was having a hard time feeling guilty, like it actually was a dream.   
  
The term 'collateral damage' sprung to mind but he dismissed it. He did feel guilty for those they would leave behind, but their actual deaths and the fact that he had done it seemed like a distant memory in the recesses of his mind.  
  
Deciding that it would be better not to get caught, Xander went over to their bodies and carefully searched them. As expected one of them had a knife: there would be splinters of wood in the wound, an unusual weapon at best. After doing this he wiped the pole down and removed the fingerprints on it, leaving some blood on it to make it appear that their killer had stabbed them with it.  
  
Killer. That was him now.   
  
If those men had been dealing with a real girl, would they have raped her? Killed her? Would she now be in the same place they are now?  
  
*No, that's shit and you know it, Harris. You killed them and the 'what-ifs' have nothing to do with it.*   
  
Despite his cold attitude towards these dead men, he knew that when sleep took him tonight, his dreams would not be empty and pleasant. Wiping his stake down, he took it back to his car and put it back in the glove compartment as before. He felt something digging into his back and when he reached around to remove it, he almost laughed.  
  
His cross. If he had remembered he'd had it, maybe this encounter would have been different. Usually when he was in this situation of saving some hapless bystander, he would always use his cross to get distance between himself and the vampires. Why didn't he use it this time? God knows.  
  
The engine of his car roared to life as he began the final stretch to the Magic Box, his mind already juggling excuses for the bruises he would have from the fight.   
  
*********************************************************************************  
  
The door of the occult shop creaked open, revealing a very tired and troubled Xander Harris. All eyes in the room turned to him, greeting with mixed reactions.  
  
"Xander, where have you been? You look like death." Giles said, concentrating more on the book in front of him than their returning friend.  
  
Anya was less cordial.  
  
When he approached her, he got a hard slap for his troubles, sending shocks of pain through his already damaged tissue.  
  
"I knew it! You've been having sex with that witch haven't you! Bastard!" She said, slapping him again for good measure.  
  
"Ahn, let me explain." He said wearily.  
  
"Yes, Xander, explain." Buffy said curiously.  
  
"Right. The reason I took so long was because Tara needed a very specific book out of town. I had a few spare hours so I offered to drive her there. We went to Hawk's Ridge, which is about an hour or so away, and also the home of my cousin, Eric. I ran into him in the street and considering he's the only member of my family I can stand, we got talking. Hence tardiness." Xander explained at length, praying that Anya wouldn't go as far as to call up his cousin, screwing this delicate operation entirely.  
  
"Yeah, sure. You couldn't have talked that long; you've been gone all day." Anya carried on, railing into him.  
  
"There's also the fact I got hit in the face repeatedly by a vampire." He said nonchalantly, and waited to gauge reactions.  
  
This actually got the attention of Buffy and Giles, causing Buffy to ask, "Are you okay? What happened?" She walked over to him and they began to see the forming of bruises, both from Anya's slaps and the vampire assault.  
  
"A little resistance," He said quietly, unwilling to roll in the glory of the most amazing cock-up of the century, "but I handled it. Two piles of dust."  
  
"Good, I'm glad you're able to handle yourself." Buffy beamed, quite impressed by Xander's modesty and apparent ability. "Try not to slap him any more, Anya, you might knock him out."  
  
She subsequently began peppering his face with kisses and hugging him, telling him how "brave" he was and she even called him a "big hero".  
  
*I'm nobody's hero.* The voice of his conscience replied.  
  
**************************************************************************************  
  
A young woman walked along the white hallway, a certain degree of confidence in her step. Her escorts led her through a set of double doors into a room separated by a long table.  
  
Sitting down at the table, she looked across it at one person she'd never expected to see again. This surprise escalated to mild shock at his following words.  
  
"I need your help, Faith." Xander told the young woman, his eyes filled with uncertainty.  
  
************************************************************************************** 


End file.
